Smart Answers to Stupid Questions Single Women are Asked - Part 1

This post is dedicated to the strange, invasive and discriminatory questions single women are asked, even in this day and age. It follows two earlier posts on Smart Answers to Stupid Questions - Part 1 and Part 2. 

There are many types of single women - those who have decided not to marry / are divorced / widowed /  abandoned / separated. 

This post covers questions that many single women, who chose to stay single, are asked.  

Q1: Why are you not married? You are so pretty / smart. 

• I am searching for a butt ugly man to marry so that we can have an average good-looking-couple score. Know any butt-ugly men?
• My dogs / neighbors / grand aunts / family retainers / bodyguards ...  haven't approved any potential partners 
• I am waiting for Kavin or Shravin Mittal to propose to me
• I hope I am more than a pretty face to you. Are you proposing? Bat your eyelashes and watch them squirm! It does not matter whether they are men or women.

Q2: Are you a lesbian? The assumption is the only reason a woman does not get married is because she is homosexual.

• None of your business
• Yes. Why do you want to know?
• Lesbians do get married. I will get married when you advocate for same sex marriages in India.
• I am working on it
• Why? Are you interested in me? Be ready with a response if the answer is "yes"
• Yes. Nice to meet someone who is gay / bi-sexual / asexual. If they can make assumptions about you, you can make assumptions about them. You could choose an area where they have bigoted or inflexible views and say, "It is nice to meet someone who believes in dowry / child marriage / is a child trapped in an adult's body / a republican"...

Q3: You must have modern parents. They have allowed you to stay single. This type of statement begs a response even though it isn't worded as a question. 

• You could use the responses to Question 7 in Smart Answers to Stupid Questions - Part 2
• I am polyamorous. Many of them don't know what polyamorous means. Let them build up the courage to ask you.
• My parents don't want to lose me. If the person asking this question is a woman or a man who has sisters, ask them, "Can you please share best-practices on how I can release myself from from house arrest to get married?"
• That's how we plan to keep our $1Bn estate within the family
• I don't need a piece of paper to have sex or children

Q4: Mrs {your surname}, what does Mr. {your surname} do?  The assumption is that if you are over 24-25 you are married to a man, and you have taken on his surname.

• I can't tell you. He is (not even) a tiny figment of my imagination
• Whatever I tell him to. This month he is rearing chickens
• There is no Mr {your surname}, there is a Ms. {your surname}
• He's at Tihar Jail. Let them assume that this fictitious husband, works in the Police department. When they ask what he does at Tihar jail, say, "He breaks stones" 
• He ............ Describe what your father does. Then ask, "Why are you interested in what my father does?

Q5: You are single and you don't drink? 

• I eat. I find that's enough to stay single.
• I don't want to drink myself to marital strife
• Actually, I drink a lot. Pause. Lots of water / juice / tea / coffee / ..... 
• I drink only Tuna tears soju / Sinchicara / Tongba / Boza / Mamajuana / Kava / Meat breast mezcal; if you really want to rattle them
• Oh! I do. Just before I streak down main street

Q6: As a single woman in a senior position, how will you manage men with biases?  See if these responses work for you when what you really want to say is, "Talk to the hand!"

• Just like a married woman, or married / unmarried man would
• I plan to keep a box of cheap wedding rings / mangalsutras in my drawer. I can wear (or throw at them) when I respond
• How do you manage men with biases? Look at them with wide-eyed innocence and if you can, clap your hands
• I'll call my evil spawn spirit and use my ouija board for answers

This is not all. There are many more invasive and silly questions.

I will address in Smart Answers to Stupid Questions Single Women are Asked - Part 2