Smart Answers to Stupid Questions - Part 2

I am quite overwhelmed with the number of people who have read and reacted to my 1st post on Smart Answers to Stupid Questions. 

It has encouraged me to continue with my tongue-in-cheek, sarcastic and humorous responses to invasive and discriminatory questions women are asked everyday.

Here are the next 6 questions:

Q7: You are lucky your husband allows you to work. 
Though said as a statement, often times it is meant as a question - "Will you be able to lean on your husband when we demand you work long hours / travel extensively, etc? So that you don't complain about it?" The only apt responses I can think of are:

• Only dogs and children are "allowed" to do something. Hopefully you realise that I am neither
• I AM lucky. The Khap Panchayat approved my working just a few hours ago. Pause for a few seconds for this to sink in. It may take upto a couple of minutes 
• He IS lucky! I allow him to work / stay at home / start a home-baking business / do embroidery / knit / look after the home, our children, parents, pets, potted plants, .... Choose whatever grabs your fancy at that moment 

Q8: Tell me something about your family. Who all are there?

I am told that this question helps determine "stability of background".

• Thank you for your interest. My great grandmother Padmavathi had 11 children. My grandmother, Ananthalakshmi, was the 6th child. Ajji (as we called her) had 11 children of which 10 survived infancy...... Feel free to share real names and details (as I have here) or just make them up.
• Oops! I forgot to do DNA tracing. Isn't it one of the peculiar things listed as a prerequisite to succeed in this role?
• I have a dog, 3 rats, 2 lizards, a small tribe of cockroaches, and some assorted insects and bugs. I am in the process of naming them.
• I have little to share as people in my family disappear without a trace. Pause for effect. Would you like to be a part of my family? Remember to look wide eyed and innocent when you say this.

Q9: How will your family manage when you travel / work late?

• The same way that they manage when I vacation with my friends / visit relatives / go bar-hopping / am high as a kite
• The question you should be asking is how I will manage without them. I hate ironing.
• I hand them over to family kennels
• I've signed-up with charities who are ready to take them on when I travel / work late.
• I was just about to check if you have a family management timeshare program. Hope you have signed up for it. Pause. You can look after my family when I am work-busy.
• Thanks. Your question is a great addition to the case I am building to legalise polyandry.

Q10: What do your family (parents / in-laws / husband) think of you working in sales /  operations / night shifts / industrial belt ..... I've never understood why people are interested in what my family or loved ones think or feel about my career choices and needs. I am told this question comes from an interest in managing "attrition risk" in the garb of ensuring a woman feels safe.

• They think I am Wonder Woman. I can do anything I want. Anytime. Anywhere.
• I mindmeld them into liking what I like, thinking what I think
• We've hired a bodyguard who will accompany me everywhere I go 
• I don't know. Haven't been interested enough to ask. Reach for your mobile phone as you say, I can get them on the line in case you are interested in the answer

Q11: How do you / will you manage the negative impact on your relationship, when you earn more than your husband?

• I pay him "hush money" to keep him quiet and maintain a good relationship
• I have signed him up as my favourite charity
• Are you asking me to earn less than I deserve, so that you don't have to feel imaginery guilt about the imagined negative impact on my husband?
• He knows that I am better than him in every way. 
• You do know that the demand for pay parity does not mean husband-wife pay parity, right?

Q12: Given your age and gender, how many years do you plan to work? I was asked this question when I was in my mid-40s. Ageist and sexist, much?

• How many years are you willing to guarantee employment?
• I'm 102 and still working. So..... perhaps till the day I die. I have to use up my excess energy before the terminal event
• Forever. I am making the best use of the fountain-of-youth cauldron I fell into as a baby.
• I will ask that question the next time I have a tarot reading
• If I tell you, I am going to have to kill you. You could hold up a make-believe finger gun and blow on the barrel.

PS1:  I am grateful to readers who shared thier personal stories of questions and thier reactions / responses.

PS2: I have been asked to share straight answers to stupid questions. I promise to think about this and address it in another post if I can convince my mind to work that way :-)

Follow me if you want to read the next post in this series....

Smart Answers to Stupid Questions Single Women are Asked