Many of the stories I hear are about questions people are asked - disguised as curiosity, helpfulness, open mindedness, work focus / ethics, culture fit, and every possible corporate jargon that can be used in an attempt to cover biases.
When I ask why a particularly personal and discriminatory question is being asked, I am told not to exaggerate differences. Not to be a "feminist", or horror of horrors, be "too modern"! Far too many managers believe that there is nothing wrong with asking these kinds of questions as they are a way to assess and manage risk.
Policies are never going to change practices. Maybe smart responses / rejoinders may make people stop and think about what they have said. So I have decided to create a compendium of smart answers / rejoinders, to what I believe are, stupid / personal / discriminatory questions.
This post (the first in a series) covers some of the stupid questions women are being asked and how I, with tongue-in-cheek, suggest they respond to these questions.
Q1 (to a young woman, between the ages of 20-30, at a job interview): Are you married?
Possible Answers:
- I missed reading "marriage" as a critical skill needed for the role in the job description that was sent to me. Happy to discuss how to get over this hurdle.
- There are many types of marriages, which one are you interested in? Marriage of the mind? Soul? Body? Legal marriage? Spiritual?
- Maybe. Are you?
Q2 (if the answer to Q1 is "No"):
When are you planning to get married? or Why haven't you got married?
This question is asked to determine "stability", I am told.
Possible Answers:
- When my dog gives me permission. Remember to cross your fingers when you say this. It makes the statement more believable.
- I am aatmanirbhar (as advised by our PM)
- When a member of the British / Andoran / Bhutanese / ... royal family falls hard for me.
- When I can buy a ₹12 Lakh saree for the wedding
- When hell freezes over!
Q3: What are your "family plans"? The cruder ones will ask, "When are you planning to have children"?
This question is asked presumably to determine "instability", I am told.
Possible Answers:
Possible Answers:
- Are you seriously asking me when I plan to have unprotected sex with my partner? (Enjoy watching them squirm)
- Dunno. Feel free to join us when we next meet our fertility specialist / gynaecologist.
- If I knew that, I'd be God.
- Depends on when I am allowed a conjugal visit by my mother / the prison / my partner's workplace.
- My family plans include terrorising them to be quiet so that I can catch-up on sleep this weekend.
Q4: I see you have a child. When are you planning the second child?
Q6: You live so far away, how will you commute to work?
- The first 3 responses to Question 3 should work for this question too. Other responses could be:
- I'm working towards multiple births, if and when, I get pregnant next. Does your medical insurance cover quintuplets?
- Don't know. How did you plan for your first or second child. I would appreciate if you could share your decision matrix with me.
Q5: Who will look after your baby / child when you are at work? Sometimes, in-laws are thrown in to this question, for good measure.
- The wolves. Mowgli was brought up well enough to be loved by wild animals and people alike.
- No one. I want them to be free and fierce.
- The neighbourhood watch program.
- Can I call my partner to see how they responded to this question?
- Probably the same way you commute to work. How do you get to work each day?
- Beam me up, Scottie! Please don't forget to gently tap your Starfleet communicator badge before you say this!
- Feel free to pick me up and drop me off everyday, as a caring supervisor / HR person / representative of this organization......
- To answer that I would have to call you "Dad" / "Mom". Works?
Do add questions that you would like smart answers for or add to this list of smart responses.
PS: I have been told by many women that tho' they would love to respond to questions the way I have described above, they are sure that if they do, they will never get the role they want, or the promotion they have been working hard for, or the project they have had thier eye on, or the award they deserve. :-(
This is so genuine Sangeeta - I was once asked by a person on my quitting job when my daughter was in 10th, and i was trying to take up something close to house, now when your daughter gets in 12th, will u quit again... Imagine, then I gave a piece of my mind, 10 is a tender class and children need maximum support at that time... and left the room
ReplyDeleteActually, if you clearly said you were leaving to find a role near your home, that should be enough of a reason. Whether you are doing this because you want to be closer home when your daughter is in the 10th or something else, is your call.
DeleteAlso, on the flip side, sometimes people ask questions like this, with an intention to help you think through a decision. It is well intentioned. The response you have, is more based on your relationship with them and your state of mind.
I find the first question to be acceptable. I would generally like to know what is the family situation. It is never a show stopper but helps me better understand the overall context of the candidate.
ReplyDeleteRest of the questions are clearly beyond boundary and indicative of a certain intent.
I may have them as questions inside of me (which itself begs a question) because I would like to understand attrition risks (especially true if husband and wife/family are in different cities) but I would not take a final call basis just that information.
I don't know if that means I am an MCP.
But I am glad in any case that this is being highlighted. I wonder how many managers (men or women) would come up with an authentic view of their inner stories.
And that is definitely a tragedy for no learning will then emerge.
Vinit
Vinit - the way I look at it, the first question is invasive as it has no relationship to the job at hand. The issue is that women are asked this question far more often than men. The response to the question is used as a way to determine "attrition risk" (making an assumption that women will leave jobs when they get married or that they are "stable" / "mature" if they are married). The same question is not asked to understand "attrition risk" of a man. So the response to the question is evaluated differently when given by a man and a woman - that is what makes it discriminatory.
DeleteI find, thru the course of my work, that the younger generations are far more conscious of bias, equity, and equality. Our young managers are role models.
Yeah, I can see how you mean that, Vinit. But we are in a crowded world with very limited mindspaces, if at all. Your intent may be to understand family situation, but others may use this question to make hiring decisions or not. Then again, why would you want to learn about the family situation? How does that affect work? I've seen women (and people in general) with unworkably tough family/home situations, who have not only never under-delivered, but constantly gone above and beyond. Conversely, I've also seen any number of men and women, with very comfortable life situations that have not delivered even the bare minimum job expectations.
DeleteSo your intention may be to understand how much a candidate would be able to focus, and fulfil expectations of a demanding job. But you'll not learn that from a question on family situation, let alone the question about marital status. You're likely looking for situational or behavioral questions into a candidates past responses in times of crises, rather than what their marital status is.
And finally, Vinit, you as an interviewer may not find a question (not just this one) invasive... how about the interviewee? Not everyone is humored by personal questions, even if our intent is clean. Just my 2 cents.
Loved reading this. Such attitudes and rude questions are waaay too common in corporate India.
ReplyDeleteGreat observations... these are really a sampling of questions young women get asked. Ask the interviewers and hiring managers, and they have their own version of the why... but orgs need to really know how to respect, plan for life situations when planning continuity... for example, a male candidate could also come upon life situations that unexpectedly need them to take a break. Why do we not ask them questions such as (at the cost of being rude)... "what's your car/bike driving style? how many times have you been in an accident? what are the chances you'll be in an accident again? Or sample this... Do you have old parents? Who looks after them? What's your share of looking after them? Basically questions probing to understand attendance continuity for the male candidate!
ReplyDeleteThat said, I've also seen companies that are very good about this. It's possible that professional services firms have this syndrome more than product companies, because they have projects to fulfil in a world where fees we earn are on the decline, while payroll costs are on the increase.
This is brilliant..I burst out laughing so loud at Beam Me Up Scottie 😂😂
ReplyDeleteLovely! I can so well imagine these questions being asked, and that says a lot about the lack of professionalism demonstrated even in professions where such questions hold no water.
ReplyDeleteIt is also interesting to place these questions in the different contexts of different kinds of professions and work domains. Definitely should be eye-opening for the majority.
One of my reportees was pregnant and was working despite advanced stage of pregnancy. I forwarded to my HR with approval for maternity leave who in turn took it to my CEO. My CEO called me as said, we dont have enough sales this year, ask her to resign. I put my foot down and as a consequence i was fired. The entire department of 7 people was removed over night.
ReplyDeleteThis is terrible. Biases and discrimination abound around maternity.
DeleteThank you for this Sangeeta. I have had interviewers ask me why I didn't have kids when I was a few years into my marriage with no offspring. I got offended and the interviewers ego got hurt with my reply and ergo no job offer to me! And now being on the other side of marriage I get questions on how I will manage with a baby given the tough role and again end up with no job offer. It was a hard realisation for me that my worth and expertise to do my job was linked to my uterus and nothing else.
ReplyDelete