What I wish I had known :: Lesson 8 :: Roll with the Punches to Ride like the Wind

Boxing Gloves from breathofoptimism.com

In life there will be times when the whole world seems to be falling apart. Projects will fail, you will be abandoned, politics will work against you, you will be cheated of what you want, you will be lonely, defenseless and vulnerable.

At times like this I have 2 reactions pretty much simultaneously.

Run Away, as Far and Fast as I can: The first thought is to call in sick. After all, aren't casual leave days meant for just such times? For times when I do not want to face the day.  For days I want to hide from everyone. For days when I know, just know, that nothing will be right.

Say Sorry and Fix It: The second thought is, "I'm damned if I am going to let this keep me down".  I can not accept defeat.  Defeat is when I say I am beaten and there is no way to recover.  I am always looking for a way to recover.  I find that when something goes wrong, I would rather admit that it's gone wrong, and then, spend time thinking about how to recover.

Over the years, I have learned to have a Plan B and often a Plan C.  So when something goes wrong, I can switch, to the next plan.  But there are only so many plans I can have. And not all eventualities can be "planned for".

I have found that most corporate teams appreciate it when a person accepts that something has failed.  Also, that if we truly want to fix something, there are many people willing to go out of their way to help.

"You Are The Guys Who Deliver Crap"

Within months of joining GECIS, and many presentations later, I was invited by GE's CLO, Bob, to serve on the Learning Board of Directors (LBOD). I was overwhelmed and proud. I spent over a month, getting to know the nitty-gritties of each project. Not just from Program and Project Managers, but also from members on their teams including trainees. I knew who our supporters were, where projects were performing well, where there were new projects and teams to be signed up.  I also prepared for the bad. My refrain was, "Tell me all the issues.  Tell me all the bad feedback. I don't want to be caught unawares."  I then prepared recovery plans and responses. I was ready.

I reach Crotonville, well prepared. Bob introduced me to other members of the board, saying, "This is Sangeeta, the Operations Head of the team we have in India". We go half-way around the circle of people, till we reach Paul.

Paul, shakes my hand and says, "So you are the guys who have been delivering crap to me!"  I wanted the earth to open up and swallow me.  I was embarrassed and only my natural color, prevented people from seeing the blush on my face.

My response? "Hi Paul.  Sorry you feel that way.  I will stay here in the US, till it is convenient for you to meet me. And, I will fix the crap."

I did extend my stay in the US.  I did meet Paul.  And I heard from him the issues; real issues. I told him that I would do what it took to fix the issues (they were not all errors / bugs).  Also, that all new programs would be of the highest quality.

It took us months to fix issues, and at our cost.  It did not matter who created the issues. The whole organization, not just the project team, chipped in.  We got extra resources, changed processes, redesigned the organization, increased communication, created a QA-independence program, etc. Paul slowly became an advocate and supporter of the team. I knew we had won him over when he started to take calls from home at 5:30 am EST or come into the office at 6:30 am EST.

Finally, nearly a year later, in one of my one-on-one sessions with Bob, he told me that he was happy that I had managed to win over Paul. Also, that when he heard how Paul greeted me on day one, he was worried that he would need to work hard to get our relationship on even-keel. He was happy to see how we "got our act together" without active intervention from him.

If you want to make God laugh, share your plans with him 

(attributed to Woody Allen, adapted from a Yiddish saying that translates to "We plan, God laughs")

India's Daughter : My Take on the Outrage

Image from NDTV

4th March, 2015: There is huge outrage on the airing of the documentary called India’s Daughter. We have not seen it, and without seeing it, we are ready to condemn the release of the documentary. My personal take:

1. If we truly want to address the issue of rape, abuse of women, & gender inequality in India, than we need to understand where the perpetrators of these crimes come from, what are they thinking, what is the context and drivers of their behavior.  We will then be better equipped to address these issues. Is a documentary the best way to do this?  I don’t know.  But it is better than doing nothing, changing nothing since Dec 2012.
2. I wonder why people are more disgusted with the interview of the convicts, than with the open, strident, call-to-violence-against-women of the defence lawyers. Upholders of the law, the defence lawyers themselves, have openly made statements that are in violation of our constitution (gender bias and inequality) and our laws (burning alive a daughter - murder). And there is nothing that our government or law enforcement agencies are doing to punish them.
3. The documentary shows the common views about women.  Let all those who see themselves sharing the views of the convicts and defence lawyers, know that they are themselves rapists and criminals.
4. We have to bring attitudes of people – men and women - out in the open.  If seeing the documentary, opens a few minds, disgusts someone enough to teach respect for women, scares someone enough to prevent a crime against a woman, helps people speak out against atrocity and oppression, then it is worth it. This is the reality of the country I live in.  This is the reality we face every day.
5. I love my country.  And loving my country does not mean that I cannot confront the reality of living in India.  I don’t care if other countries have more rape cases than mine.  I do not care if in other countries there is more violence against women than in mine.  If cases like this need to be brought to the forefront, then so be it. I want my country to be one where I can truly live free as a woman, because I love my country.  

   

   Image from NDTV

6. Should we not respect the wishes of Nirbhaya’s parents, themselves, who have pretty much endorsed the documentary?  Would it not be shameful if we let our anger, disgust, and hurt become bigger than that felt and lived, every minute of every day, by Nirbhaya’s parents? So should we not respect what they want, and let the documentary air?
7. So I ask

·    direct your hurt and anger towards the lack of progress on making India safer for women

·    direct your outrage at the lack of convictions and punishments of rapists

·    direct your voice towards demanding for better laws and implementation of laws

·    direct the power of your vote to demand of your MPs and MLAs that they push forward bills in parliament

Thank You for Your Wishes on My Birthday - 11 Feb 2015

I wanted to thank my many friends for thier thoughtful wishes on my birthday.  But I wanted my thank you note to be out-of-the-ordinary. I also wanted them to have a little chuckle.  

So I shared an interesting info-nugget on my birth date.

I was born under the Hindu Nakshatra Uttarashadha.

My Nakshatra’s symbolic tree (that defines the Nakshatra’s connection with eternal nature) is the Jackfruit (फणस) tree.


On a lighter note, here is the "Jackfruit" letter, supposedly written by Okhil Chandra Sen in 1909. It is said that the subsequent investigation into the affair by the British Raj resulted in the introduction of toilets in all trains in the country; something that had been absent since the formation of Indian Railways in 1857

Code of Conduct and Certification Needed Urgently For Our Politicians

Over the last few days, I have read, with a sinking heart, the letter Jayanthi Natarajan wrote to Sonia Gandhi, responses and questions that parties and politicians have raised, counter-allegations and commentaries made by party spokes persons, journalists, et al.  In all this noise of Rahul-Gandhi-and-Congress haters, we seem to have forgotten to demand:

1. Where is the defined Code of Conduct for elected officials?
2. How can we prevent undue influence in conducting the business of government?

There is no excuse for doing something wrong

I find it disgusting that any Government official can state that they did something wrong because they were asked to by a supervisor / superior.  Ask anyone in corporate India if this is a valid reason. No, it isn't.  It is not an acceptable excuse.  If a supervisor asks you to jump off the roof, would you?  No. If something is wrong, it is WRONG.

Anyone who has been through Compliance Training and Certification knows this.  One of the best Compliance Trainers I know, tells batches of learners, to listen to their inner voice, to their feelings. He says, "If you feel something is not correct, or something makes you uncomfortable, or you can not openly talk about what you are doing / not doing (other than company secrets), then the chances are you are that you are doing something that is not compliant with the Code of Business Conduct of the company. DON'T DO IT!"

Where is the Code of Conduct for Elected Officials?

Try Google-ing "code of conduct for politicians in India" and all you will get is the code of conduct defined by the Election Commission.  This code of conduct covers what political parties and politicians can and can not do during an election campaign. After they are elected, it seems that there is no code of conduct.

From what I can see, elected officials fall back on the oath that they take when they are appointed to an office. The oath is a long one liner, with no specifics, guidelines, rules, etc. I believe that just swearing to bear allegiance to the constitution of India is not enough.

Why can we not have a code of conduct for our elected officials? One that they must be trained and certified on before they take responsibility and accountability of any office?  Why can we not have them sign a Declaration of Compliance to this Code of Conduct as we do in corporate India?

Mr / Ms Politician, Allegiance to Country Trumps Allegiance to Party

Given that we are a democratic country, I am disgusted that political parties are autocracies.  What the party head wants is what is done, even if the party head is not an  elected and appointed member of government.  Where is the debate?  Maybe this is done behind closed doors, maybe not.  But to me, the ordinary not-so-political Indian, it seems that all parties are run like small fiefdoms.

Elected officials, seem to have forgotten that they are here "for the people".  What seems to be more important is to keep the autocrat happy vs do what is right for the country.  If the county was more important, then all it takes is for the elected official to refuse to do what is incorrect, to fight for what is right, face down the dictator. Become the whistle-blower.

There is no role of  30 years of service to a political party or loyalty to the high command.  It fades into nothingness, if what is done hurts the country.  For it is disloyal to the country.

I believe that the issue of undue influence of party on governance exists in all parties.
I believe that we need a code of conduct for all elected members of government.
I believe we need strict action against violators, irrespective of age, seniority, party.

Try taking a page out of Corporate India.  We do have some good practices.

What I wish I had known :: Lesson 7 :: It's NOT ALL About The Money, Honey

In all careers there will be times when we are asked to take on additional tasks, projects, assignments, or maybe even move to a location to start an office. If your reaction to a request to do something more is, "How much more will I earn?" or " How much more will you pay me?" then, let me tell you here and now, the chances are that, these opportunities will die as fast as a fish out of water.

It's The Opportunity !!

Opportunities to do something different at work, don't all come your way by chance or because you are lucky (take what you read in the weekly horoscope and throw it out of the window).  Opportunities come your way because someone, somewhere, in your organization, thinks you have the capability to take on more, or they believe that it is worth taking a risk with you.  That is an honour.  Asking "How much more will I earn?" is quite an insult to the person who wants to give you this opportunity to learn, grow,  and add value. 

If you prove yourself, you will not only get the rewards that are due to you, but will also establish yourself as someone who is worth taking a risk with. 

Do Your Best, The Money Will Follow

I'll be honest with you, I never really asked for a specific raise or compensation amount.  This was because I trusted my company to pay me what they thought was just, and that they would, in all fairness, pay me based on the value I brought to the table.  I was more worried about the ratings I got (increment %s are a by product).  I was known as someone who was always ready to do something new, out of the way, experimental. And I got these opportunities by the ton.

Image from moneycontrol.com

And I stayed with the company for 17 years.  Was my compensation at market median?  No, of course not.  I knew this for a long time before I decided to move.  But I got so much more value from the roles than just the money.  And, I was a little scared to move.

When I finally did move, I needed help to negotiate my salary.  I just did not know how to do it. Even then, after I joined the new company I realised that I was well below the median pay.  I worked hard.  I got promoted.  I got great ratings and increments.  But, lo and behold! I was earning less than some of my subordinates.  So one year, I courageously went up to my supervisor and shared with him my concern, along with my thoughts on how I added far more value to the company than my subordinates. My supervisor agreed and I did get a nice bump in salary.

Its Hard To Put a Number To People and Learning

 Image from TOI 

I have even made a move for a lower salary.  WHAT????? I hear you all say in your minds.  And I say, Yes. I have.  "Pray why?".  Well, I got the opportunity to work with people I liked, in a role that leveraged my business acumen and expertise in training and talent development. I was going to look at businesses from another angle, work with entrepreneurs, and a whole host of things. 

There was a plan for a pot of gold at the end of that rainbow.  But I slipped between the cup and the lip.  And recovered from that slip.  Not because I negotiated hard.  But because someone believed that I would add much more value than what I cost to the company.  And I did; add more value, much more.

There is a Bottom-Line

I'm not saying, don't negotiate to get paid more.  I'm saying that there is much more to working than the money we are paid.  We need to see, feel, live the much more.

For, Everything Can Not Be Converted To Rupees & Paise; Dollars and Cents

What I wish I had known :: Lesson 6 :: Be a Culture Chameleon

There is a lot said about organization cultures and how we need to learn and adapt to them to be able to fit in to deliver peek performance.

What is this thing called culture?

Culture is a way of life, whether at home or at office; whether on the street or in a boardroom.  It encompasses behaviors, languages, religions, customs, art, architecture, food, history. Organization culture is really no different from societal culture.

How can we understand organization culture when we join the workforce?

Understanding organization culture is not something that you start on your first day of work like responding to a starter gun at a race.

Culture and understanding of culture is built on a daily basis and from childhood.  It depends heavily on how aware you are of what is happening in the world around you, and how open you are to new experiences and ways of thinking.

It Starts In Childhood

I was born to parents who were from different states & different economic backgrounds, tho' they were both Madhavas, a small sect of Hindus. We lived most our childhood in New Delhi and Port-of-Spain. So as a child I learnt to adapt to different languages, cuisines, and customs.  Carnival and Diwali were both just as important as studying and going to the beach. Though we were strict vegetarians, when we went to the West Indies, my father insisted that we learn how to eat non-vegetarian food, to help us integrate with Trinidadians.

Don't Pretend

When we came back to Delhi, adjusting was difficult as people were less open, customs were different, languages were new.  I had to learn Hindi and Sanskrit in school vs learning Spanish.  I was told not to ask questions vs being encouraged to ask questions. People frowned when I wore shorts or talked with boys.  But, even as a teenager, I knew that I could not pretend to be something I was not comfortable being.  So I did attempt to learn Hindi and Sanskrit, but spoke only in English.  I did get to stand on chairs and outside the classroom by asking questions when I wanted to.  I did wear shorts and play outdoor sports. And, oh yeah, I had more boys as friends than girls. And still do.

Do What Others Do

As a teenager, tho' I already had a reputation of being a rebel, I was never the rebel leader.  I was a follower; not sure if what I wanted to do was the right thing or not, specially given the many, many restrictions that existed in the 80s.  So I followed people.  Did what they did trying to fit in with the crowd.  I went to my first dance party at 11.  Had a boyfriend at 16. Learned to cook somewhere in between. I copied what others did.  I experimented. Waited to see how the cookie crumbled. If I did not like something, I just let it go. And I continued to ask questions of myself and of others.

Study Culture

In the early 90s, when IT was a nascent industry in India, I had the opportunity to travel overseas on training assignments. I knew that I would need to work with people whose language, eating habits, music, way of life was completely different from my own.  And I would have to do this while alone in a strange land.  I was scared.  So I studied.  Both their and my country's history, geography, religions, customs, basic words etc. Both when I was in India and in their country. I learnt how to avoid questions (on religion), how to be diplomatic, evasive, firm, specific in my responses and how to flex my style based on what was needed.  And this was all grounded in knowledge. In my mind, I was my country's ambassador.

Don't Let It Change Your Value Systems

But in all this, don't let anything change your value system. Don't copy for the sake of copying.  Like acquiring an American accent just because you want to sound good when you are speaking English.  If something does not feel right, makes you uncomfortable, then drop it.  It probably is not right.   

Culture is really all about first understanding yourself; your anchors. Then truly understanding, appreciating, and embracing the norms of the society or organisation you wish to be a part of. All built on a foundation of your values.
 

Culture is what we create.  Culture is what we absorb. Culture is who we are.

Understand and Adapt

But be true to yourself

New Year 2015

Forgive the slights and hurt of prior years so that we have more space for good memories this year.

May we be the cause of more fun and laughter in 2015.

 

Understand Me. Accept Me. Love Me! Not My Religion

For all of us, religion is what we practice, in our homes, in the way we live, in the way we behave. It is who we are.  And...... a lot of it is the same.

What will it take to help us appreciate all religions?

 

There are Many, Many Religions - And All Have Fun Celebrations!

When I was very young, maybe 7 or 8, I had a home room teacher who wanted to help us understand different religions.  We were divided into groups based on religion and asked to present our religion to the rest of the class.  We presented what we had experienced of our religion. She presented those that were not represented.  I learnt that there were different types of Christians, that the Jews and Christians shared the Old Testament, that Muslims, Christians, and Jews all shared a common holy place, that Sikhs, Buddhists, and Jains were considered to "really be Hindus", that there are religions like Rastafarianism, Cuban Santeria and Haitian Voodoo.  They were all fun religions, for we only heard and participated in the fun parts -  the celebrations that welcomed all with open arms.

Customs Can Be The Same Across Religions

A colleague once told me that his grandmother would make him wash his hands, feet, and face whenever he came home after visiting a Hindu friend's house.  This lovely, old Muslim lady would dissuade him from eating in a Hindu's house as the food was not prepared in the correct way - the halal way.  Surprise! Surprise!  My Hindu grandmother and his Muslim grandmother thought exactly the same. My Hindu grandmother would dissuade us from eating in Muslim or Christian homes because of their food habits i.e. eating non-vegetarian food.  I am happy that he and I, both, ignored our much loved grandmothers, and had a shared "A-Ha" moment.

Strong Faith Could Build Better Appreciation 

I have a colleague, whom I consider a devout Christian.  He goes to church every Sunday, is active in his church community.  He fasts during lent.  He probably reads the bible regularly and goes for bible study. He helps those who are less fortunate than himself in the name of his God.  He is also the person we all turn to, if we need to clarify a piece of Hindu mythology, or complete a story from the Ramayana or Mahabharata!! To me, this shows that his faith in his religion is strong enough to be able to talk about Hindu mythology with an accuracy born from close studying.

My Religion

I was born a Hindu, to parents who were moderately religious (i.e. they would go to temples, pray, conduct religious ceremonies). In fact, I found out we were Brahmins only in my teens when my brother came home and asked my mother.

For me and my siblings, going to temples was a chore that we converted to adventure - counting the steps at Palani or watching people do parikramas on their knees at Thirupathi.  My sister used the time spent at Malai Mandir to solve chemistry equations in her head.

The main purpose of attending ceremonies was to eat good food - my maternal grandmother would actually check out what was being served for dessert beforehand and warn us to "save our appetite".

Added to this was the fact that my maternal grandfather was an atheist - his belief in God was lost when he witnessed the segregation and cruelty meted out to his widowed mother.

So I may be born a Hindu, but I am not a practicing Hindu.  I am at best, agnostic, and at worst, atheist. And people of all religions, look at me aghast when I say so. To them I say, can you accept that this is my "religion", my "belief"?  In my "religion", being a good human being - helpful, kind, considerate, respectful; and helping others to be good human beings is the sum total of "ceremonies". I don't wish that you become like me.  I wish you accept me and let me celebrate with you.

I say, make faith so strong, that we can all celebrate in all religions with an open heart

What I wish I had known :: Lesson 5 :: Take Risks

We normally associate negative outcomes with the phrase "take risks".  I believe that is because the bad outcomes are far more publicized than the good ones. When we take risks we "fail", "disintegrate", "degenerate", "lose", "fall behind".

I've been told that I take a lot of risks.  Really? I am not sure what that means, as I am of course, focusing on the term "lots of" vs "risks"!

Do I really take a lot of risks? Well .....

Am I normally the first to volunteer for something new?  Yes

Do I ink-in a goal without having any idea of how I am going to achieve it? Yes

Do I try something new for the heck of it? Yes

Do I change career tracks because I want to work on something new / off the beaten track? Yes.

Do these all work out?  Of course not!  But they teach me a lot.  And they don't scare me off. Actually. they never have!!

Just do it!

When I was 15 (just after my 10th board exams), I decided that I could no longer study in an all girls convent school.  I wanted more, I wanted something different.  So I checked out the schools in my locality (i.e. walking distance from home), found one that had a significant "Commerce" program, checked the references of the school by speaking with people, filled the registration forms.  Then I went to my dad to ask for the registration fee.  His response? "As your father, can I at least see the school you want to go to?". I said yes, he did, and the rest as they say is history.

Performance Ratings don't Matter

Early in my career, I was fortunate to work in an industry that was just about starting in the country, and in an organization that was entrepreneurial.  There were opportunities galore.  I raised my hand for many, many of them.  In a ~2 year period I worked on 6 different teams, with 6 different supervisors.  And tho' I thought did very well, I got "Average / Good" and not "Excellent" ratings as no one had consistent views on me. So what?  I learned a lot, I realized there was one more thing I did not want to do, I made more friends. I realized that I was a fast learner.  I developed stakeholder management skills.

Neither do Increment Percentages

Any risk or chance we take has a probability of failure.  And in a work scenario, the failure will result in bad ratings and hence bad increment percentages. In most of the risky things I have done, I have borne the consequences of failure.  And it hurt.  There have also been risks that had whopping success, and I reaped the benefits of those too. So if you are scared to take a risk, as a setback will  make you trail your classmates / colleagues in designation and pay, all I say is, "What is a setback (in terms of money & designation) 5 times in a 50 year work-life. Nothing." So take the risk.  Imagine what you can get when it succeeds!

It is Always the Right Time

I hear many people, specially during exit interviews, tell me that they believe that now is the right time to take a risk.  The right time varies from being "single", to "wife works", to "we have no kids or the kids are young", to "parents are independent", or "parents live with me / us", or "I am young", or "I am finished with all my obligations".  To all of them, I say, the time when you believe that a risk is worth it, is the right time for you.  Go forth and do what you want to.  

We all Take Risks

Anyone who says that they do not take risks are either living very boring protected lives or are lying.  We take risks all the time. We take risks when we become friends with someone whom we did not know existed in the near past, when we date, when we are at home, when we drive, when we drink.  Outcomes are not written in stone.  Each risk writes its own outcome based on how well prepared we are to manage potential and then real threats. Think of the biggest risk of all - marriage. Most of them work out, and those that don't, teach us valuable lessons.

Taking a risk, I think, is akin to riding a horse.  I am going to fall.  I am going to get bruised and maybe even break a few bones.  But I will get back on that horse as soon as I can. Because I want to ride free, jump hurdles, be airborne.

 

I Take Risks because It is OK to Fail

 

I Take Risks because I Want to Feel the Wind in My Face

What I wish I had known :: Lesson 4 :: Feel Good, Look Good, Do Good

Feel Good

I am the kind of person who wakes up in the  morning and wants to work.  I want to do things.  I want to close projects and start new ones.  I want to meet people and discover new things. So when I hear people say that they have "Monday morning blues", I wonder what's wrong.  Do they dislike their jobs?  Are they unhappy working? And if they are unhappy with their jobs then should they not have "Terrible Tuesdays" and "Weeping Wednesdays" too? 

 

If working really made me that unhappy, I would either quit or change something at work that would make me want to go to work.  I do understand that each work day may not have something to look forward to!  But, most days there are good, fun, new, interesting things that happen at work.  I just need to look for them and focus on that.  The anticipation of any of these makes me feel good.  Even before I start my work day.

Look Good

Then comes the "what do I wear to work" phase.  I enjoy deciding what I want to wear to work.  What jewelry will match? What sandals will look nice?  These days I wear a saree or salwar kameez to work.  There was a time when I wore skirts or trousers to work.  Most important was looking professional, appropriate for the occasion, followed by being comfortable.  Today, I wonder why women, especially in the beginning of their career, choose to were pant suits, in dark colors, when most of the times, these clothes do not flatter the Indian female body shape, not to forget the oppressive heat in most Indian cities.  Do they like the way they look? Are they comfortable? 
 

I remember many years ago, I was advised by a HR professional, to "tone down the colors" I wear.  It seems that it made me stand out in video conferences with customers in the Western world. "Is that not what I want anyway", I thought.  I have always worn what made me feel good looking at myself. I have worn sarees to board meetings and award functions overseas (much against the advice of more seasoned Indian professionals). If I look good, I am happy and that impacts my work.

Do Good

Just like the best way to start a day is to have a healthy breakfast, a good work day starts with feeling, that what I will do, contributes positively to me, my team, my customers and partners.  And of course looking good - professional, clean, comfortable. 

 

But that's not enough.  I work with others, and they also need to feel good. They want and need some positive strokes, to hear something positive about themselves.  It takes effort to find something positive about co-workers.  I look for these consciously, tell them what I admire, what I would like to learn from them.  Thank them for something they have done for me. Tell them they are looking good. In this, I am brutally honest for I know that if I lie about what I admire, I am creating a monster that I need to work with.

We have all had colleagues we have not liked - from the liar to the credit stealer to the shirker.  People we have not wanted to meet much less work with.  I have found that even with these colleagues, if I make the effort to find positive attributes, talk about these attributes, focus and use these attributes, my working relationship with them improves dramatically.  Not everyone is all bad.  I just need to take the time to make the extra effort.

 

 It all comes from within

Either Judge or be Happy