Simple Suggestions to Reduce Delhi's Pollution

(c) 2015 Economic Times

Delhi's pollution is killing us slowly. We all know it. We feel it. In many places in Delhi, we literally see it. Pollution has a dangerous form and substance. And yet, any suggestions to reduce pollution levels is met with loud cries on why and how it will fail. Equally loud is the silence of the same vocal detractors with alternate solutions.

From my simplistic point-of-view, the Delhi Government and its citizens, need to do much much more. Here is my list of things that can be done. 

Is anyone listening?

1. The car odd/even rationing should cover all private vehicles including scooters and motorbikes. It should cover all government vehicles whether state or central government. The only VIPs allowed to drive on any day are the president and prime minister.  That's it. No one else.
2. Keep exclusions low. If women are excluded from the restriction, let the restriction removal enable women to car pool with other women or men.   
3. Ban the sale of all diesel vehicles (public / private) till whenever we have “greener” diesel available in the city. Retire any diesel cars that are older than 10 years.
4. Convert government diesel vehicles to CNG vehicles, if possible & as fast as possible. 
5. Put Delhi bypass highway construction and opening on critical path, so that trucks bypass the city. 
6. Ban the burning of leaves and refuse in the city. Challan heavily all violations. If the burning happens in a gated community and the perpetrator can not be identified, then the community is charged.
7. Ban the sale and lighting of crackers for any occasion whether it is for Diwali or Christmas or a wedding or when India wins a cricket match. 
8. Ban / restrict construction in the city in the months where pollution is the highest historically – Nov, Dec, Jan. Or demand that all construction and material be covered so that concrete, cement, wood, stone, silica and sand dust are not blown into the atmosphere.
9. Fix roads to enable smooth flow of traffic. Potholes slow down traffic. Any construction or digging for water / electricity cables need to be done at non traffic times and trenches created must be filled and re-tared immediately, else the contract work shall not be deemed as completed. 
10. On roads where there are shrines or depots that restrict traffic flow – move these elsewhere or push them back from the road to remove congestion on roads
11. Ban processions on roads for weddings / religious ceremonies – these hamper traffic flow.
12. Green Delhi - Large scale planting of trees. For e.g. Every MCD parking lot must have x number of trees planted in a 60-day time frame (base this in square foot area). And this green cover needs to be maintained.
13. Increase dramatically public transport capacity – metro coaches, buses, etc
14. Encourage private companies to start shuttle services / carpooling (maybe even incentivize them)
15. Give companies a break in corporate tax (or something like that) if they have at least 20% of their workforce working from home.
16. Stagger office timings based on office location. For example, all offices in Central Delhi (CP) must start at 8am and end at 4:30pm. Then the next concentric circle starts at 8:30am and ends at 5 pm and so on.
17. Define clearly emergency personnel and services and situations that are exempt, such as having to drive a pregnant woman to hospital or fire and police services. 
18. Let the police monitor adherence at major choke points so that they are not spread thin. The police can randomly change locations to cover larger areas.
19. Ensure that autos are parked properly without restricting traffic such as at metro stations. The auto queue is so maintained that the next available auto has to go where the passenger needs to go. There is no choice.
20. Ensure that cabs and autos can not and do not charge any surge pricing.  This holds for OLA and Uber and the black and yellow taxis and autos of all types. Set up a control room where the driver's photo and plate number can be sent to a control room. More than 3 violations are dealt with strictly.
21. Create citizen police support teams to help police manage the additional work. So people from civil society volunteer to work with police personnel to monitor adherence to new rules. This will enable us to have more places monitored. Leverage college students, retirees, those who do not have jobs, etc.
22. Run massive communication campaigns that build pride in being an eco-friendly person. Such as badges for being a 365 day car-pooler, or some such thing.
23. Encourage schools to become car-free. Children commute to and from school  only on school buses and parents are actively discouraged from using their cars.

All I ask is that we do whatever is needed to reduce pollution, however difficult it may seem.

Lets give it an honest try before rejecting it. 

For the alternative is death. A slow death. On a massive scale.

Take the long way home

The long way home

Brings sights and sounds

As soft as a new born's skin.

The long way home

Can trap time in a fist

As the horizon releases old friends to meet.

The long way home

Brings you refreshing warmth

With amber liquid memories of your native sun.

The long way home

Makes home the dearer for the journey

Of experiences of the new and old

And the smooth silk of comfort.

So just take....

Take the long way home.

Inspired by a friends photograph and drink after a flight home was cancelled

What's The Big Deal About Vacations??

Staircase between library and church,
or "A stairway to heaven", Melk Abbey, Austria

Till I was in my late 30s I never understood the intense focus on vacations. I wondered why it was so critical for people to go on vacations?  What were they running away from? What were they speeding towards?

The first ~15 years of my working life, I did not take a vacation.  I took time off for medical reasons, care giving, and for my honeymoon. But not to have a holiday. I did not have any vacation time. I just didn't feel the need.

Why?

I also think I was having a great time at work. It was a load of fun.  It was exciting.  I was learning something new all the time. I loved it. I woke up in the morning and wanted to go to work.

Guarding the Grand Palace
Bangkok, Thailand  

I also had pretty-much zero vacation days for "frivolous" holidays. People looked at me strangely and asked "Why haven't you gone on holiday?" or "Why don't you go on vacations?" I'd respond with any reason that popped into my head vs tell them that I'd used up vacation days on care-giving.

It was only in the early 2000s that I decided that I wanted, nay needed, vacations. Because I wanted to experience new places, cultures, food, art, music, and oh! so many other things. I was also doing a job I loved in a stressful environment.

But sadly on many vacations, I cleared email everyday. On some I have created PowerPoint presentations and chaired or participated in conference calls. As if my workplace would collapse without me being there. What a load of bull!!

Blue Mosque, Istanbul, Turkey

It took me time to realize that vacations were meant to give me, yes ME, a change of scene and pace. A time to do something different. Move out of my comfort zone, to experience the new. To learn and appreciate the diverse.  To seek to understand.  To learn something about myself. So I created......

My Rules for Vacations

1. Visit "opposite land".  If life has been hectic then vacation in a place that is quiet and laid back. If life has been dull, seek an adventure vacation.  The more dramatic the difference more I appreciate both the non-vacation and the vacation time.
2. Visit only 1-3 cities in a week - spend time to immerse myself in a city / town / village and get a real feel for it.
3. Find a place that does not have a mobile connection.  Or be very disciplined about calls I take.  This is “me” time and I am investing in it – so no distractions.
4. Travel with no more than 3 other people – more people means a loss of intimacy – and hence a loss in my ability to absorb the new. 
5. Walk as much as possible.  I can't get a the flavor and essence of a

   

   Colosseum, Rome, Italy

   place if I am stuck in a cab or a hotel or a museum all the time.  I like walking thru small lanes and avenues and chancing upon parks, statues, children on the way to school, weddings, receptions, open wet markets; oh a hundred different things.
6. Go off the beaten track.  There is no use seeing what some travel book has already talked about and where I will come across only other tourists.  I want to discover things for myself.
7. But don't miss the local sights and sounds that I have to see.  I don't want to miss a wonder of the world or a famous landmark in my pursuit of an awesome off-the-beaten-track little bazaar or castle or house or church.
8. Eat a good breakfast.  I normally book a hotel after checking out whats going to be served for breakfast.  A good breakfast and keep me walking and exploring for hours.
9. While walking thru a city, carry healthy snacks. Yogurt, seasonal local fruit such as apples / peaches / pears, juices. Eating in a local restaurant with local fare is another way to absorb local culture.  
10. Travel Light - who cares if photographs show clothes that are
    repeated? I'd rather have space to bring back that beautiful porcelain plate or cut glass or mask or painting.
11. Stay at a place that is central – it’s worth being able to come back to a hotel / B&B to take a shower and a nap and head out again. 
12. Go local – food, vocabulary, buses / trams, clothes, places of worship, open / wet bazaars…..what better way to understand how we are all alike and yet unique! 
13. Don't try to do 20 things in 2 days. Do a few things and do them well (sort of like the 1-3 cities rule). Vacations are not corporate life where we have goals and metrics to meet.
14. If you are leaving dependents at home.  Find the best caregiver you can, and don't keep calling them to find how things are! They'll call you if they need help.

Vacation Wishes

La Sagrada Familia, Barcelona, Spain

Now I want to go on  more vacations and I can't being a primary caregiver.  The vacations I want?

1. An all girl vacation
2. A road trip vacation
3. A vacation by myself
4. A vacation where I can skydive / parachute / ride a hot air balloon
5. Vacations to experience new places - The Forbidden Palace and Great Wall of China, The Great Barrier Reef (Australia), Bali (Indonesia), Alaska, Procida (Italy), Pakistan (Yes, Pakistan), Bangladesh, Vietnam, Morocco, New York City, St. Petersburg, all of Australia, New Zealand, Africa, South America (specially Machu Picchu in Peru, Buenos Aires in Argentina, Guatemala, Mexico,...................) 
6. Vacations to see and experience again places I love - Prague, London, Venice, Barcelona, Provence, Trinidad & Tobago, Jamaica, Goa, Athens
7. Vacations to learn dance
8. Vacations to write
9. Vacation to recover from a vacation!!!

Interestingly, I have vacationed in 11 of the 25 TripAdvisor Traveler's Destinations for 2015. 

I still have so much ground to cover, on and off the beaten track!

Deepawali 2015

501 Lamps at Thosamling Nunnery
Near Norbulingka Monastery
Dharmshala India
(Photo Courtesy: Meenu Iyer) 

May Each Of Us

Banish Forever

One Dark Thought

So That There Is More Space

For The Light Of Goodness To Grow!

Saying “Sorry” is Just Not Enough

We all screw up.  We all make mistakes. Some of us more often than others. Some mistakes are made knowingly and some creep up on us. Some are small and some are monumental.  Some cause minor aches and some causing serious damage.  Not just to customers, but also to people, and often to the company.

I have made all these types of mistakes.

I believe that when confronted with the knowledge that a mistake has been made, I have two choices. Either I can be defensive, deny the mistake, and take no responsibility for it, or I can own up to it and take corrective action.

I believe that if I am really sorry, I need to do more than just say “Sorry”.  Here is what I have done - some or all of them - depending on the severity of the mistake.

1. Admit the mistake. I need to first admit to myself that there has been a mistake.  I have to wade thru the “It wasn’t me alone”, the “but the environment made it so”, or the “there was nothing else I could do” scenarios.  I have to reject any excuses that popup in my head.  “I am sorry for xxx. That happened because of yyy”, is not accepting that I have made a mistake! Whatever be the reasons for the mistake, I need to admit to myself first that they were made, and then plan on how to admit it to those who have been affected by the mistake.
2. Feel Remorse. When I make a mistake I feel embarrassed.  I feel
   
   ashamed. Physically, I feel a dull ache in my gut.  I feel my face flushing.  But all this is not feeling remorse. Remorse is much more – it is when I put myself in someone else’s shoes, and feel the impact of my mistake on them, and thru that empathy find a way or ways to fix the impact of my mistake, even if it costs me.  Remorse hurts at many levels.  And it should.
3. Find the right place (quiet and private). Feeling is all well and good, but the person / persons who are affected by my mistake need to know that I am truly sorry for the mistake.  The best is to find a quiet place, one that is private and apologize.  Meeting / conference rooms are great, if you don’t want to go to someone’s cabin (for fear that you may be asked to leave even before you get to really apologizing).
4. Find the right time to apologize. I have often chosen to apologize to someone after they have had coffee or lunch – I find that a full stomach helps them be more receptive.  Apologizing at the end of a tiring day is a bad idea.  For me and the person I am apologizing to.
5. Do it in Person. Always apologize in person (if you can).  Don't hide behind an email or a phone line.  And for someone like me, who finds writing sometimes easier than talking, this is a hard one.  I have often written my apologies, not to send, but to practice what to say face-to-face. If I am unsure of how to apologize, I spend hours going over the situation and what could be said, in my head.  It is, real, virtual role playing.
6. Look people in the eye while apologizing.  Yes, apologizing is hard.  It makes me feel vulnerable, admit to others that I am vulnerable. I want to avoid it. I normally want to run away, or hope that the ground opens up and swallows me.  But there is no way to avoid apologizing if I want to learn and grow from my mistakes.  So, no looking at the floor. No shifting from foot to foot. I stand / sit straight, shoulders back, hands clasped behind my back or on my lap, and lock eyes. 
7. Understand why the mistake happened. Mistakes happen for a variety of reasons. I have found the best way to understand why I made a mistake is to do a root cause analysis, and understand the drivers that led to the mistake.  Often, it helps having a friend or coach ask me the right questions so that I can get to the real reasons. Sometimes I will follow the 5 why drill-down method till I get to the real reason/s. 
8. Acknowledge how it has affected the person/s who is impacted. State how it has affected them.  Saying “I know that you have been affected by…..” is not enough.  I find that when I am specific about what I believe to be the impact on others, the better my learning from the situation. So saying “I know that my mistake embarrassed you in front of …..” or “I know I cost the company to lose xxx rupees” acknowledges real impact.
   
9. Make amends. While apologizing, I state what I will do to fix the situation.  These are specific actions.  There are also details of resources or help needed.  Ideally, I have timelines for most actions and I will state them.  I want my amends to be real amends. And I want people to know that I have thought it thru and a firm idea and focus on how to fix it.
10. Listen to what they have to say, for I may have got it wrong. It is possible, and it has happened with me, that the reason for a mistake, or, how it has impacted people has been off the mark.  I have had to take a step back, and rethink the whys and hence the real impact of the mistake.  This makes the time to complete an apology-and-amends longer, but so be it. I don’t know it all. I don’t understand it all.
11. Express my intent to change. This is a toughie.  This is the phase where I acknowledge what I need to do to change myself.  What I need to do more of (utilizing my strengths) and less of (avoiding my blind spots or shining a light on them). Some of these are so personal that I don’t say them out loud.  But telling people what I want to change, helps me change faster for I have their support.
12. Ask for forgiveness.  Literally. When I say the words, I see the difference it makes. And if I don’t get a response, I think it is OK to ask if I am forgiven. But I have to be ready for someone to say “No” or that it will take time. I can’t expect instant forgiveness. I have to remember that I have hurt someone and that it is always takes time to recover from hurt. Also, actions and behavior over a period of time is the best way to prove that things are really changing. 
13. Express why I am grateful that they are a part of my life. An apology is always more effective if the affected party understands that I need them in my life, whether professionally or personally. It also helps them invest time and energy in the process of fixing a mistake, in helping me change and grow.  It also helps me get a real response to “Tell me what I can do to make amends.”
14. Learn to never make the mistake again.  Understanding the real reasons for a mistake, and then making amends, with the help of the affected people, helps me learn how not to make the same mistake again. I want my amends to be lifelong.  I want them to change me.

It is how I say and show that I am sorry, it is how I fix mistakes and learn never to make them again, that makes the difference.

Saying “Sorry” is not enough!

Our Parents Need Time Too. Indian Companies, are you Listening?

http://news.bbc.co.uk

I smile as I read the recent news of companies like Microsoft, Netflix and Adobe, instituting inclusive (and what to most Indians will look like very benevolent) leave policies for new parents.  

Unlimited / Generous Paternity Leave Announced

These companies have recognized that there is a need for both parents, male and female, to take time off from work when they have a new baby.  Or adopt one.  Or become a foster parent.  They recognize that to retain highly valued talent, they need to help them tide over the critical 1^st year of a baby by being very generous with the leave that they can avail.  And they have made these policies inclusive by enabling men to take time off when they have a new baby in the family. 

There are of course, Indian companies or subsidiaries of MNCs who have paternity leave that range from a pathetic 2 days to a couple of weeks.  But the companies that are listed above have taken this to another level. 

And this makes me smile.  

Finally, diversity is not all about exclusive programs for women, but inclusive programs (albeit skewed more towards women).  Will this policy attract and retain good people? On the face of it, yes. And please, do give them a chance. I believe that it will work and it is something to celebrate.

Paternity Leave is great.  But what about Elder Care Leave?

July 2015: Anna sleeps in Delhi heat and humidity
during the 5 hours it took @CGHS
to apply to transfer his card to Delhi

Then I start thinking about the care of the elderly.  I have often said that looking after an elderly person, and that too one with a degenerative disease, like my father’s, is akin to looking after a child.  

Whereas with a child, parents live with the joy and hope that soon their child will grow and become more independent, there is no such joy and hope for a person who looks after an elderly patient parent/s.  The parent/s will become more frail and dependent till finally death takes them.  A child will live with parents for many, many years but an elderly patient parent will be with us for only a short time.

So why, I ask, have no companies, or governments for that matter thought of instituting “Parent Care Leave”? Leave that I could have availed to look after my father, who has Parkinson’s Disease, Dementia, & Diplopia, vs giving up a full time job.  Leave that I could have used to ensure that I spend quality time with my father vs spending ~4 hours travelling each day to and from Gurgaon.   Leave that I can avail when my father is rushed to hospital and needs care.  Leave that would enable me to manage the financial constraints that not earning puts on a family, especially when I am the only earning member.

Using Parent Care Leave

Since 2011, I have not had a vacation. All my leave days have been used in visiting and caring my father when he was with my siblings and then looking after him when he moved to Delhi in 2014. 

Anna (in yellow) with his younger brother
(KV Krishnamurthy in blue),
Anna's housekeeper & attendant (in green)

In 2014, I brought my father to Delhi to take over care-giving from my siblings. I had to set up a separate, fully functional flat for him.  I was working a full-time job then and had to take PL (privileged leave)and Casual Leave (CL) to fly to Bangalore, pack up and transport his household to Delhi.  Not to mention the many hours after work and two marathon weekends, unpacking and setting up the house.  Hours and days finding him household help, attendants, doctors, therapists, et al. 

I couldn’t relax on a weekend or take a day’s vacation, as I needed the leave to fly him to Delhi, settle him in, and reserve some days for potential hospital stays.  And there were hospital stays, midnight emergencies, hallucinations and delusions that had to be managed on the phone.  All while spending a minimum of 12.5 hours on travel and work.  Not to mention looking after my home and my husband’s elderly parents, who are 91 and 80 respectively.

So, in the end I stopped working.  There was no other choice. There is only so much I could do in a 24-hour day.  And when the choice came down to working or looking after 2 homes and 3 elderly people, I chose care-giving.  It was a no-brainer. 

I thought that I would take a few months off, settle things down and then re-join the workforce.  Wishful thinking, at it’s best!  A new job, meant new commitments, proving myself over again, longer hours, travel, etc.  

Added to this, is the fact that with the elderly there is no predictability.  An upset stomach can send someone to the hospital and time to recover could be 5 times longer than it is for someone in their 50s.  So in the end I decided against a full-time job.  I decided to do something that would give me energy - consulting in areas of interest and coaching organization leaders.   

Tho’ this is my unique challenge, I believe that parent care is going to be a real problem in a few years.  The great “demographic dividend”, that we talk about so proudly today, will become our country’s super senior citizens in 35 years.  Already, nine states in India have lower fertility rates than the highly developed countries of the world i.e. lower than 2.1 which is considered the replacement rate.  Our old age dependency ratio will nearly triple from 13% in 2000 to 32.8% in 2050 i.e. 1 of every 3 working Indians will have to take care of an elderly person by 2050.

While the government is still wrapping its arms around how to get the maximum benefit from the great demographic dividend, I hope they will think of changes to our healthcare and wellness programs to manage a large elderly population. 

But, let’s not leave everything in the hands of a government.  Can some forward-thinking company look at how to retain some of its most experienced people (normally in their 50s), by helping them take time off to look after the same parents who got leave when the child (me & you) were born?

I am asking for the institution of Parent Care Leave. 

That’s not outrageous.  It’s just reality.

First published in The Quint on 14th Aug 2015

What I Would Love To Hear In A Mid Year Review!

The first six months of the year are over and if you work in an organization with a well documented performance management process, then you will be getting ready for a mid year review with your supervisor.  

End of year reviews are bad enough, and now we have to bear mid year reviews too? Yes, you do!

I know performance reviews are stressful. Stressful for both for supervisors and for their team members. But I believe that they can be made less stressful by asking the right questions and truly having a dialogue between partners.

In this post I am going to share with you what I wish my supervisors would have told me during my performance reviews, whether good or bad. Perhaps this can help you with your review.

"I have read the performance review docket / xls you sent me" - from my earliest days I have always sent my supervisor a complete docket with details of my performance against goals.  When I come for a meeting, I want to know that you have read it, that you have paid attention to me.

"You have achieved  xxxx.... in these 6 months" - even in a bad year (and I have had those), there has to be something that I have done well.  Enumerate these.  Tell me that I have done good work, that I have contributed, how it has helped you and the team.

"Lets go thru your specific achievements against goals to see what could have been better or needs more focus or....." - I know that there is critical developmental feedback you want to give me. I know you are using the softer "right" words, so let me have the pleasure of hearing them vs being told that "you have done / achieved precious little" or some such remark.

Ask me the right questions to help me solve issues in areas where goals have not been met. Don't tell me what to do.  Help me find my own solutions. Guide me down the path.

Shine a light on goals that may be at risk - you have a view to the bigger picture. If there are risks / challenges that may hinder my achievements, talk to me about them, help me plan for them, avoid them.

"Your 3 biggest strengths are......" - I may know my strengths and be very confident about stating them, but I also like hearing them from you. Tell me where you have observed my strengths in action. Talk to me about how you would like to leverage my strengths.

"Last time we spoke about......" - Do reference earlier conversations we have had on what I want to do, so that I know you are paying attention and care. Share with me where you think I am on that journey.

Don't compare me with others in the team - I am an individual and unique. I am not your A-Player's clone. Tell me how I am unique and how I can use that uniqueness.  

"What help do you need from me" - Ask me what I need from you.  How can you help me achieve more.  Not just goals, but also longer term career objectives, building relationships with others, projects / opportunities.

"You wanted to work on a new project / move to a new function, etc. Are you getting closer?" - Ask me if I believe I am moving closer to my next career objective. If not, what should I do to get there.  What can you do to get me there.

"I need you to help us with...." - Tell me where I can help you or others in the team.  Give me the opportunity to show that I can do something outside the normal. Let me be a partner.

"I'd like to hear your feedback on me" - ask me for feedback. Take me seriously.  Understand that this is a give and take relationship.  And that if we are honest with each other we make a better team.

"Is there anything else you would like to talk about, or tell me, that we have not already covered?" -  Dialogue with me.  Give me an equal opportunity to participate in my performance review, to cover something that you may not have thought of or asked. 

For those of you who have supervisors who don't ask you the critical questions you want to answer or don't dialogue with you or don't prepare for your meeting, I say.... 

Take charge of your performance review.  Help your supervisor ask or discuss what is critical for you.

After all, it is your performance review and not theirs.  

Take charge - Own it. Grab it.

Wisdom of a Taxi Driver

Airbus A321 from www.bangaloreaviation.com

During a 4am cab ride to Bangalore airport this morning, the driver tells me, “Ma’am, there is no such thing as mother tongue.  We are not born speaking our mother’s language. We learn to speak the language of our mother’s, homes, neighborhoods, and schools. So why is our country divided based on language?  What difference does it make whether I speak Kannada and you speak Hindi?  A Tamilian in India is Indian and a Tamilian in Sri Lanka is a Sri Lankan. India comes first, not language.”

WOW!

I agree.  Then he goes on to say that perhaps when a person lives and works in Karnataka, they should be called a Kannadiga no matter which part of the country they come from, for this is the state that they work in to make better. So tho’ he was born in Tamil Nadu and would be called a Tamilian, as he works and adds value to Karnataka, he is a Kannadiga.  But above all he is an Indian.

DOUBLE WOW!

We continue to talk about the other things that create boundaries between people - religion, caste, money etc. All of these he believes were never meant to create differences that divide.  Then he says, “How can I be proud of my language or religion or caste, if I look down at another’s? Pride comes from love.  If I truly, in my heart and soul, love my religion, how can I hate my neighbour’s religion?  We speak the same language, eat the same food, bring up our children the same way, and watch the same movies.  We just pray to a God called by another name.”

TRIPLE WOW!

Srinivas the driver, is the owner of a fleet of 5 cars in Bangalore. He decided to drive me himself at 4 am in the morning.  Why? First, he had made a commitment to Sue, my friend, that a car and driver would arrive at 4am to take me to the airport. As he had made a commitment, it had to be delivered.  Second, was the grave responsibility of driving a woman to the airport at 4am.  He believed that he was personally responsible for my safety.  Hence he made the trip himself.

This conversation got me thinking.  Here is a man who has found, and lives, an essence thread of his identity.  That is profound.  And it humbles me to meet such a person. To have the conversation I just described.

Our conversation started on the topic of language because he spoke to me in English and when I used a couple of Kannada words he realized that I knew Kannada. The language created the bond. We were communicating in the familiar. It was comfortable.  The divide of passenger and driver fell away.  The divide of man and woman fell away.  We were just two people exchanging our thoughts.  That’s the common language we need to find in our homes, neighborhoods and offices.

This is a man, whose love for Kannada, made him learn Malayalam.  What?? He says that he loves Kannada so much, that, over a 10 year period of visiting Sabarimalai, he learnt Malayalam to be able to find commonalities between himself and the place of his devotion.  And he found that Malayalam is also a beautiful language. It is rich, it is expressive, and it has the same moods. As are all the other languages he knows – Tamil, Hindi, & English.  

I am amazed.  This man has the values and attitude that we search for when we recruit people into our organizations.  The 2 big ones:

From tasteoflifebysabi.wordpress.com

Respect. Respect for self. Respect for what I know.  And that respect creates respect for others not like himself.  Respect of commitment and ensuring that it is not just met but goes just one tiny step ahead – he had a cool bottle of water for me to drink in the car!

Passion to Learn.  And the drive to learn on his own.  He does not have the luxury of being nominated to training programs to learn.  He just goes out to learn from others, in a non-work environment, at his own time.  What he learned he uses to connect with passengers and his fleet drivers.

If I was recruiting him for a job in corporate India, I wouldn’t blink an eye!  

But better still, 

I vote that Srinivas stand for election and run the government!!

When is it OK to Walk Away? The Questions I Ask

My last post was about having a “never say die” attitude, about not quitting. But that does not mean that I don't quit. I do.

There are many times, when in the single-minded pursuit of a goal or dream, I have forgotten why I am pursuing the goal.  I have been blind to the drain on resources that it causes, and the impact that it has on those around me - colleagues, friends, and family.

My grandfather often told us, “Learn to walk away from a battle, to win the war.”

How do I know when it is better to walk away, to leave the battle?  Here are the questions I ask, to help me decide:

1. What is the real goal? Often, in the midst of everyday life with its transactional noise, I forget the overarching goal.  I need to re-define it for myself.  Identify if the goal itself has changed, and because of that change, am I finding it more difficult to achieve the goal as it is no longer important.
2. Is this the goal of my organization / team or is this a personal goal?  Goals may start out being an organization / team goal but over a period of time what becomes my pet project  may no longer be of interest or importance to the rest of the organization. Personal goals are always tough to achieve without support from the group at large. For example, a personal goal of losing 10 kgs, is tough without support of family and friends.
3. Is the current path the only way to get to my goal?  Are there other paths with less resistance? Will these paths be supported more?  I often write the big goal on a clean, fresh whiteboard and build a flow diagram on how I am working to reach the goal.  Then take a step back and ask if what I am pursuing is in a direct straight-line path to the big goal? Are there other ways? Sometimes there are shorter paths.  If the paths look like a nest infested with beasts, it may be best to drop it. 
4. What will I really get at the end of achieving this goal? Often ego and negative emotions, like anger, fear, frustration, and hurt, get tied up with goal achievement.  Like wanting to complete something even if it kills me, just to prove a point. Is it really worth losing relationships, health, peace of mind, etc? No! Never.  But it can take time to reach this realisation and that is where I suffer.
5. What is the worst that can happen if I do not achieve this goal?  Our worst case scenarios are always far more frightening than what happens in reality.  Often, not achieving a goal, and moving on, is better than sticking to it.  Yes, I may be embarrassed, but that’s nothing compared to pursuing something that not going to work out.
6. Am I afraid of succeeding? Responsibility both excites and frightens me. I worry about whether I will be as successful as I was in the current / earlier role.  And I am afraid that I will fail.  And that can hold me back from achieving a critical goal. 
7. Can I tell those I love / respect, why I gave up, without feeling ashamed?  If you can, then drop the goal / dream.  I dropped out of completing my MBE.  Do I now think I should have completed it? Of course.  But was I unable to tell my family and friends about it then and now? No. It was the right choice for me then.
8. Can I lose the investment I have made?  One of the primary reasons I keep plodding on is because I invest heavily in any project / goal / dream.  Not just money & time, but emotionally.  When it does not work out & I need to drop it, I ask myself if it is OK to lose the investment.  Or can I recover the investment in pursuing other goals.
9. Would I encourage others to pursue this goal?  If the answer to this is no.  Or there are too many “but”s after a "yes", then the chances are that this goal is no longer one that I need to pursue.

Once I have gone thru this list and if I still am convinced that I want to stop pursuing a goal / dream, I do.  And I feel a great sense of relief.

‘Coz it’s OK to Walk Away.

Never Say Die! Really???!!

Yesterday I finally finished a book that I have been reading for over a year!  And I felt relieved.

Why did I take over a year to read one measly 578-page book? Well.......it was boring, dragged on and on, had bad grammar, used more words than were needed, sloppily attempted to bring modern science and technology into a mythology-based fantasy story, making me wonder if the author was paid by the word.

While I read many other books in the months it took me to finish this one, why did I stick with it? Why did I not stop reading it when I started to get bored?  Why did I carry this book with me all the time - reading it whenever I had a few minutes free - on flights, outside doctors offices, waiting at the parlor or bank?  I lugged the weight of this not-at-all-interesting book with me hoping that there would be enough time in all the waiting I do, to actually finish the book.

And.......I am still asking myself why I stuck to this book for so long when I could have given up.

Here are my reasons - or what I think they can be - 'coz I gotta be brain dead to have stuck with it.

1. It was the 3rd book of a trilogy.  I enjoyed the first 2 books and hence this one should have also been enjoyable.  I waited in vain, hoping for the enjoyment to start on each subsequent page I turned.  Hope truly springs eternal!
2. I had been advised by a voracious reader-friend, that the book was "not as good" as the prior two. But I went ahead and bought it.  I made a commitment.  So I had to live up to that commitment of money and time.
3. There is only one book that I have left in the middle - The Satanic Verses.  I got to page 75 and could not take any more. "The Oath..." was not that bad.  I had to see if I could "beat" it.  And I did!!! As if it were alive and challenging me.
4. I had to know the end of the story.  Every story has an end and so did this one. The first 2 books built up the momentum. The third was supposed to end the story, and it did.  Unfortunately, not neatly tied-up, pretty with a bow, alas!

I finished it.  I have closure.  The weight has been lifted.

Finally!!

Whether it is a book, or a relationship, or a project

The reasons to finish something I have started are pretty much the same.  

Overwhelmed at Work? What's Worked For Me.

From coachingmums.com

I admit. I have been overwhelmed at work. And, in the process of coaching many entrepreneurs and leaders, I have learnt that I am not alone in feeling overwhelmed at work. I have come to realize that any new project / role / job / M&A, will have days if not weeks or months when we feel overwhelmed.  Overwhelmed with the quantum of work that needs to be done. Overwhelmed with the pressure to succeed. Overwhelmed with the responsibility.

Here is my list of what can be done to help when we are feeling overwhelmed. I have tried these myself as have my protégés and colleagues. Not all at the same time, of course, but a few, based on the situation.  It has worked for me more often than not.  So I hope these will help you too.

1.  Urgent vs Important? There's More

We have all learnt Eisenhower's Decision Matrix (popularized by Stephen Covey in 7 Habits). It encourages us to spend time to manage Quadrant 1, focus on Quadrant 2 for our future, avoid Quadrant 3 activities, and limit time spent on Quadrant 4.

I have added to this by categorizing Quadrant activities into three - "Me" vs "Team" vs "Others".  All Quadrant 1 activities, especially, do not have to be done by me and me alone.  Determining who can do these, whether they are on my team or not, can help reduce the number of crisis that need to be dealt with immediately.  

2.  Seek Peer Help

I believe that my peers are my best support system / group. I have worked in intensely competitive environments, full to the brim with type A personalities. Even in these environments, there are many people who are willing to help.  Willing to take on some of the load. Often, I have reached out to people in my "nurtured" network, and I have not been let down.

3.  Supervisors Can Be Your Best Friends

Yes, they can! When you and your team are in crisis, is not the time to try to make your supervisor a friend.  The best time to become friends with a supervisor is when they need help with something and you take on some additional work to help them. They appreciate it.  You also get dedicated time with them to form a bond while working on something that is critical to their success.  When your time to seek help comes, they will be there for you. All you need to do is ask for help - but remember - be very specific.

4.  Announce What You Cannot Do

If you have shared your goals with the larger organization, and you need to re-prioritize to manage something critical, go back and re-announce to them that some goals / deliverables will be delayed. It takes away the pressure of having to work on things that are not "important" today.  It also helps them understand changed priorities and hence they are able to offer help with what is "important" / "urgent" now. Before you do this, always, tell your supervisor and peers that there are actions / deliverables that will be postponed, and get their buy-in.

From newslaundry.com

5.  Make The Time To Think 

Drowning in urgent and important tasks is very easy. It takes conscious thought and effort to break away. I have often blocked-off time on my calender to think (much to the amusement of people who I share my calendar with!). Yes, THINK! I close the door, put my laptop to sleep, turn on the silent mode of my mobile phone and place it face down on the table, and pull out a sheet of white paper, sharpened pencils, and an eraser.  And just Think! And write.

6.  Make Meetings Count.  Say "No" To Those That Don't

Have you noticed that when there is a something really critical to be done, with many moving parts, there also seem to be many more meetings? These meeting are more to provide status updates (something that can be done on the phone or email).  And meetings can swallow whole days when there is no time to eat lunch. If a meeting is not going to be useful, then tell the meeting organizer that you are not attending the meeting and why.  

7.  It's OK To Take a Break

I know that this sounds ludicrous, specially when you are drowning, working 18 hour days. But, it is critical for you to function with some semblance of normalcy.  Take a break.  Go out for lunch or away for a day. Exercising / meditating helps. I know someone, who during a complicated financial transaction, halted meetings for 15 mins multiple times during the day. While others wandered around, continuing to talk about legal contracts, he would meditate.  And he signed a deal that was great for the organization.  

8.  Get A Full Night's Sleep

One of the first things that happens when I am overwhelmed at work is that I sleep less, and I sleep badly.  It impacts my concentration.  It makes me irritable - making my team not to want to work with me.  So when overwhelmed with work, allocate time to sleep.  It is a goal and a deliverable that you need to make non-negotiable. There are many times when solutions have just popped into my dreams! I keep a pad and pen on my bedside, so that I can jot these down. Of course, it breaks my sleep cycle, but I get a new idea, so it is worth the loss of sleep. But really nothing else is.

Dedicated to my protégés and peers, entrepreneurs and managers, across genders and levels who have helped me understand and deal with being overwhelmed