Understand Me. Accept Me. Love Me! Not My Religion

For all of us, religion is what we practice, in our homes, in the way we live, in the way we behave. It is who we are.  And...... a lot of it is the same.

What will it take to help us appreciate all religions?

 

There are Many, Many Religions - And All Have Fun Celebrations!

When I was very young, maybe 7 or 8, I had a home room teacher who wanted to help us understand different religions.  We were divided into groups based on religion and asked to present our religion to the rest of the class.  We presented what we had experienced of our religion. She presented those that were not represented.  I learnt that there were different types of Christians, that the Jews and Christians shared the Old Testament, that Muslims, Christians, and Jews all shared a common holy place, that Sikhs, Buddhists, and Jains were considered to "really be Hindus", that there are religions like Rastafarianism, Cuban Santeria and Haitian Voodoo.  They were all fun religions, for we only heard and participated in the fun parts -  the celebrations that welcomed all with open arms.

Customs Can Be The Same Across Religions

A colleague once told me that his grandmother would make him wash his hands, feet, and face whenever he came home after visiting a Hindu friend's house.  This lovely, old Muslim lady would dissuade him from eating in a Hindu's house as the food was not prepared in the correct way - the halal way.  Surprise! Surprise!  My Hindu grandmother and his Muslim grandmother thought exactly the same. My Hindu grandmother would dissuade us from eating in Muslim or Christian homes because of their food habits i.e. eating non-vegetarian food.  I am happy that he and I, both, ignored our much loved grandmothers, and had a shared "A-Ha" moment.

Strong Faith Could Build Better Appreciation 

I have a colleague, whom I consider a devout Christian.  He goes to church every Sunday, is active in his church community.  He fasts during lent.  He probably reads the bible regularly and goes for bible study. He helps those who are less fortunate than himself in the name of his God.  He is also the person we all turn to, if we need to clarify a piece of Hindu mythology, or complete a story from the Ramayana or Mahabharata!! To me, this shows that his faith in his religion is strong enough to be able to talk about Hindu mythology with an accuracy born from close studying.

My Religion

I was born a Hindu, to parents who were moderately religious (i.e. they would go to temples, pray, conduct religious ceremonies). In fact, I found out we were Brahmins only in my teens when my brother came home and asked my mother.

For me and my siblings, going to temples was a chore that we converted to adventure - counting the steps at Palani or watching people do parikramas on their knees at Thirupathi.  My sister used the time spent at Malai Mandir to solve chemistry equations in her head.

The main purpose of attending ceremonies was to eat good food - my maternal grandmother would actually check out what was being served for dessert beforehand and warn us to "save our appetite".

Added to this was the fact that my maternal grandfather was an atheist - his belief in God was lost when he witnessed the segregation and cruelty meted out to his widowed mother.

So I may be born a Hindu, but I am not a practicing Hindu.  I am at best, agnostic, and at worst, atheist. And people of all religions, look at me aghast when I say so. To them I say, can you accept that this is my "religion", my "belief"?  In my "religion", being a good human being - helpful, kind, considerate, respectful; and helping others to be good human beings is the sum total of "ceremonies". I don't wish that you become like me.  I wish you accept me and let me celebrate with you.

I say, make faith so strong, that we can all celebrate in all religions with an open heart

What I wish I had known :: Lesson 5 :: Take Risks

We normally associate negative outcomes with the phrase "take risks".  I believe that is because the bad outcomes are far more publicized than the good ones. When we take risks we "fail", "disintegrate", "degenerate", "lose", "fall behind".

I've been told that I take a lot of risks.  Really? I am not sure what that means, as I am of course, focusing on the term "lots of" vs "risks"!

Do I really take a lot of risks? Well .....

Am I normally the first to volunteer for something new?  Yes

Do I ink-in a goal without having any idea of how I am going to achieve it? Yes

Do I try something new for the heck of it? Yes

Do I change career tracks because I want to work on something new / off the beaten track? Yes.

Do these all work out?  Of course not!  But they teach me a lot.  And they don't scare me off. Actually. they never have!!

Just do it!

When I was 15 (just after my 10th board exams), I decided that I could no longer study in an all girls convent school.  I wanted more, I wanted something different.  So I checked out the schools in my locality (i.e. walking distance from home), found one that had a significant "Commerce" program, checked the references of the school by speaking with people, filled the registration forms.  Then I went to my dad to ask for the registration fee.  His response? "As your father, can I at least see the school you want to go to?". I said yes, he did, and the rest as they say is history.

Performance Ratings don't Matter

Early in my career, I was fortunate to work in an industry that was just about starting in the country, and in an organization that was entrepreneurial.  There were opportunities galore.  I raised my hand for many, many of them.  In a ~2 year period I worked on 6 different teams, with 6 different supervisors.  And tho' I thought did very well, I got "Average / Good" and not "Excellent" ratings as no one had consistent views on me. So what?  I learned a lot, I realized there was one more thing I did not want to do, I made more friends. I realized that I was a fast learner.  I developed stakeholder management skills.

Neither do Increment Percentages

Any risk or chance we take has a probability of failure.  And in a work scenario, the failure will result in bad ratings and hence bad increment percentages. In most of the risky things I have done, I have borne the consequences of failure.  And it hurt.  There have also been risks that had whopping success, and I reaped the benefits of those too. So if you are scared to take a risk, as a setback will  make you trail your classmates / colleagues in designation and pay, all I say is, "What is a setback (in terms of money & designation) 5 times in a 50 year work-life. Nothing." So take the risk.  Imagine what you can get when it succeeds!

It is Always the Right Time

I hear many people, specially during exit interviews, tell me that they believe that now is the right time to take a risk.  The right time varies from being "single", to "wife works", to "we have no kids or the kids are young", to "parents are independent", or "parents live with me / us", or "I am young", or "I am finished with all my obligations".  To all of them, I say, the time when you believe that a risk is worth it, is the right time for you.  Go forth and do what you want to.  

We all Take Risks

Anyone who says that they do not take risks are either living very boring protected lives or are lying.  We take risks all the time. We take risks when we become friends with someone whom we did not know existed in the near past, when we date, when we are at home, when we drive, when we drink.  Outcomes are not written in stone.  Each risk writes its own outcome based on how well prepared we are to manage potential and then real threats. Think of the biggest risk of all - marriage. Most of them work out, and those that don't, teach us valuable lessons.

Taking a risk, I think, is akin to riding a horse.  I am going to fall.  I am going to get bruised and maybe even break a few bones.  But I will get back on that horse as soon as I can. Because I want to ride free, jump hurdles, be airborne.

 

I Take Risks because It is OK to Fail

 

I Take Risks because I Want to Feel the Wind in My Face

What I wish I had known :: Lesson 4 :: Feel Good, Look Good, Do Good

Feel Good

I am the kind of person who wakes up in the  morning and wants to work.  I want to do things.  I want to close projects and start new ones.  I want to meet people and discover new things. So when I hear people say that they have "Monday morning blues", I wonder what's wrong.  Do they dislike their jobs?  Are they unhappy working? And if they are unhappy with their jobs then should they not have "Terrible Tuesdays" and "Weeping Wednesdays" too? 

 

If working really made me that unhappy, I would either quit or change something at work that would make me want to go to work.  I do understand that each work day may not have something to look forward to!  But, most days there are good, fun, new, interesting things that happen at work.  I just need to look for them and focus on that.  The anticipation of any of these makes me feel good.  Even before I start my work day.

Look Good

Then comes the "what do I wear to work" phase.  I enjoy deciding what I want to wear to work.  What jewelry will match? What sandals will look nice?  These days I wear a saree or salwar kameez to work.  There was a time when I wore skirts or trousers to work.  Most important was looking professional, appropriate for the occasion, followed by being comfortable.  Today, I wonder why women, especially in the beginning of their career, choose to were pant suits, in dark colors, when most of the times, these clothes do not flatter the Indian female body shape, not to forget the oppressive heat in most Indian cities.  Do they like the way they look? Are they comfortable? 
 

I remember many years ago, I was advised by a HR professional, to "tone down the colors" I wear.  It seems that it made me stand out in video conferences with customers in the Western world. "Is that not what I want anyway", I thought.  I have always worn what made me feel good looking at myself. I have worn sarees to board meetings and award functions overseas (much against the advice of more seasoned Indian professionals). If I look good, I am happy and that impacts my work.

Do Good

Just like the best way to start a day is to have a healthy breakfast, a good work day starts with feeling, that what I will do, contributes positively to me, my team, my customers and partners.  And of course looking good - professional, clean, comfortable. 

 

But that's not enough.  I work with others, and they also need to feel good. They want and need some positive strokes, to hear something positive about themselves.  It takes effort to find something positive about co-workers.  I look for these consciously, tell them what I admire, what I would like to learn from them.  Thank them for something they have done for me. Tell them they are looking good. In this, I am brutally honest for I know that if I lie about what I admire, I am creating a monster that I need to work with.

We have all had colleagues we have not liked - from the liar to the credit stealer to the shirker.  People we have not wanted to meet much less work with.  I have found that even with these colleagues, if I make the effort to find positive attributes, talk about these attributes, focus and use these attributes, my working relationship with them improves dramatically.  Not everyone is all bad.  I just need to take the time to make the extra effort.

 

 It all comes from within

Either Judge or be Happy