Understand Me. Accept Me. Love Me! Not My Religion

For all of us, religion is what we practice, in our homes, in the way we live, in the way we behave. It is who we are.  And...... a lot of it is the same.

What will it take to help us appreciate all religions?

 

There are Many, Many Religions - And All Have Fun Celebrations!

When I was very young, maybe 7 or 8, I had a home room teacher who wanted to help us understand different religions.  We were divided into groups based on religion and asked to present our religion to the rest of the class.  We presented what we had experienced of our religion. She presented those that were not represented.  I learnt that there were different types of Christians, that the Jews and Christians shared the Old Testament, that Muslims, Christians, and Jews all shared a common holy place, that Sikhs, Buddhists, and Jains were considered to "really be Hindus", that there are religions like Rastafarianism, Cuban Santeria and Haitian Voodoo.  They were all fun religions, for we only heard and participated in the fun parts -  the celebrations that welcomed all with open arms.

Customs Can Be The Same Across Religions

A colleague once told me that his grandmother would make him wash his hands, feet, and face whenever he came home after visiting a Hindu friend's house.  This lovely, old Muslim lady would dissuade him from eating in a Hindu's house as the food was not prepared in the correct way - the halal way.  Surprise! Surprise!  My Hindu grandmother and his Muslim grandmother thought exactly the same. My Hindu grandmother would dissuade us from eating in Muslim or Christian homes because of their food habits i.e. eating non-vegetarian food.  I am happy that he and I, both, ignored our much loved grandmothers, and had a shared "A-Ha" moment.

Strong Faith Could Build Better Appreciation 

I have a colleague, whom I consider a devout Christian.  He goes to church every Sunday, is active in his church community.  He fasts during lent.  He probably reads the bible regularly and goes for bible study. He helps those who are less fortunate than himself in the name of his God.  He is also the person we all turn to, if we need to clarify a piece of Hindu mythology, or complete a story from the Ramayana or Mahabharata!! To me, this shows that his faith in his religion is strong enough to be able to talk about Hindu mythology with an accuracy born from close studying.

My Religion

I was born a Hindu, to parents who were moderately religious (i.e. they would go to temples, pray, conduct religious ceremonies). In fact, I found out we were Brahmins only in my teens when my brother came home and asked my mother.

For me and my siblings, going to temples was a chore that we converted to adventure - counting the steps at Palani or watching people do parikramas on their knees at Thirupathi.  My sister used the time spent at Malai Mandir to solve chemistry equations in her head.

The main purpose of attending ceremonies was to eat good food - my maternal grandmother would actually check out what was being served for dessert beforehand and warn us to "save our appetite".

Added to this was the fact that my maternal grandfather was an atheist - his belief in God was lost when he witnessed the segregation and cruelty meted out to his widowed mother.

So I may be born a Hindu, but I am not a practicing Hindu.  I am at best, agnostic, and at worst, atheist. And people of all religions, look at me aghast when I say so. To them I say, can you accept that this is my "religion", my "belief"?  In my "religion", being a good human being - helpful, kind, considerate, respectful; and helping others to be good human beings is the sum total of "ceremonies". I don't wish that you become like me.  I wish you accept me and let me celebrate with you.

I say, make faith so strong, that we can all celebrate in all religions with an open heart

What I wish I had known :: Lesson 5 :: Take Risks

We normally associate negative outcomes with the phrase "take risks".  I believe that is because the bad outcomes are far more publicized than the good ones. When we take risks we "fail", "disintegrate", "degenerate", "lose", "fall behind".

I've been told that I take a lot of risks.  Really? I am not sure what that means, as I am of course, focusing on the term "lots of" vs "risks"!

Do I really take a lot of risks? Well .....

Am I normally the first to volunteer for something new?  Yes

Do I ink-in a goal without having any idea of how I am going to achieve it? Yes

Do I try something new for the heck of it? Yes

Do I change career tracks because I want to work on something new / off the beaten track? Yes.

Do these all work out?  Of course not!  But they teach me a lot.  And they don't scare me off. Actually. they never have!!

Just do it!

When I was 15 (just after my 10th board exams), I decided that I could no longer study in an all girls convent school.  I wanted more, I wanted something different.  So I checked out the schools in my locality (i.e. walking distance from home), found one that had a significant "Commerce" program, checked the references of the school by speaking with people, filled the registration forms.  Then I went to my dad to ask for the registration fee.  His response? "As your father, can I at least see the school you want to go to?". I said yes, he did, and the rest as they say is history.

Performance Ratings don't Matter

Early in my career, I was fortunate to work in an industry that was just about starting in the country, and in an organization that was entrepreneurial.  There were opportunities galore.  I raised my hand for many, many of them.  In a ~2 year period I worked on 6 different teams, with 6 different supervisors.  And tho' I thought did very well, I got "Average / Good" and not "Excellent" ratings as no one had consistent views on me. So what?  I learned a lot, I realized there was one more thing I did not want to do, I made more friends. I realized that I was a fast learner.  I developed stakeholder management skills.

Neither do Increment Percentages

Any risk or chance we take has a probability of failure.  And in a work scenario, the failure will result in bad ratings and hence bad increment percentages. In most of the risky things I have done, I have borne the consequences of failure.  And it hurt.  There have also been risks that had whopping success, and I reaped the benefits of those too. So if you are scared to take a risk, as a setback will  make you trail your classmates / colleagues in designation and pay, all I say is, "What is a setback (in terms of money & designation) 5 times in a 50 year work-life. Nothing." So take the risk.  Imagine what you can get when it succeeds!

It is Always the Right Time

I hear many people, specially during exit interviews, tell me that they believe that now is the right time to take a risk.  The right time varies from being "single", to "wife works", to "we have no kids or the kids are young", to "parents are independent", or "parents live with me / us", or "I am young", or "I am finished with all my obligations".  To all of them, I say, the time when you believe that a risk is worth it, is the right time for you.  Go forth and do what you want to.  

We all Take Risks

Anyone who says that they do not take risks are either living very boring protected lives or are lying.  We take risks all the time. We take risks when we become friends with someone whom we did not know existed in the near past, when we date, when we are at home, when we drive, when we drink.  Outcomes are not written in stone.  Each risk writes its own outcome based on how well prepared we are to manage potential and then real threats. Think of the biggest risk of all - marriage. Most of them work out, and those that don't, teach us valuable lessons.

Taking a risk, I think, is akin to riding a horse.  I am going to fall.  I am going to get bruised and maybe even break a few bones.  But I will get back on that horse as soon as I can. Because I want to ride free, jump hurdles, be airborne.

 

I Take Risks because It is OK to Fail

 

I Take Risks because I Want to Feel the Wind in My Face

What I wish I had known :: Lesson 4 :: Feel Good, Look Good, Do Good

Feel Good

I am the kind of person who wakes up in the  morning and wants to work.  I want to do things.  I want to close projects and start new ones.  I want to meet people and discover new things. So when I hear people say that they have "Monday morning blues", I wonder what's wrong.  Do they dislike their jobs?  Are they unhappy working? And if they are unhappy with their jobs then should they not have "Terrible Tuesdays" and "Weeping Wednesdays" too? 

 

If working really made me that unhappy, I would either quit or change something at work that would make me want to go to work.  I do understand that each work day may not have something to look forward to!  But, most days there are good, fun, new, interesting things that happen at work.  I just need to look for them and focus on that.  The anticipation of any of these makes me feel good.  Even before I start my work day.

Look Good

Then comes the "what do I wear to work" phase.  I enjoy deciding what I want to wear to work.  What jewelry will match? What sandals will look nice?  These days I wear a saree or salwar kameez to work.  There was a time when I wore skirts or trousers to work.  Most important was looking professional, appropriate for the occasion, followed by being comfortable.  Today, I wonder why women, especially in the beginning of their career, choose to were pant suits, in dark colors, when most of the times, these clothes do not flatter the Indian female body shape, not to forget the oppressive heat in most Indian cities.  Do they like the way they look? Are they comfortable? 
 

I remember many years ago, I was advised by a HR professional, to "tone down the colors" I wear.  It seems that it made me stand out in video conferences with customers in the Western world. "Is that not what I want anyway", I thought.  I have always worn what made me feel good looking at myself. I have worn sarees to board meetings and award functions overseas (much against the advice of more seasoned Indian professionals). If I look good, I am happy and that impacts my work.

Do Good

Just like the best way to start a day is to have a healthy breakfast, a good work day starts with feeling, that what I will do, contributes positively to me, my team, my customers and partners.  And of course looking good - professional, clean, comfortable. 

 

But that's not enough.  I work with others, and they also need to feel good. They want and need some positive strokes, to hear something positive about themselves.  It takes effort to find something positive about co-workers.  I look for these consciously, tell them what I admire, what I would like to learn from them.  Thank them for something they have done for me. Tell them they are looking good. In this, I am brutally honest for I know that if I lie about what I admire, I am creating a monster that I need to work with.

We have all had colleagues we have not liked - from the liar to the credit stealer to the shirker.  People we have not wanted to meet much less work with.  I have found that even with these colleagues, if I make the effort to find positive attributes, talk about these attributes, focus and use these attributes, my working relationship with them improves dramatically.  Not everyone is all bad.  I just need to take the time to make the extra effort.

 

 It all comes from within

Either Judge or be Happy

What I wish I had known :: Lesson 2 :: Learn to Learn

Lesson 2 is all about learning.  Learning to do new things, behaving differently, breaking the shackles of theory, observing, experimenting, or just thinking and dreaming about how to solve a seemingly unsolvable problem.

In India, the chances are, that we learnt only what we were taught - the definitions, details, steps, examples. We were told what to do and we did it.  We were graded on how well we did what we were told to do.

I know that this sounds harsh and that there are many schools today that help people learn differently, but I am assuming that most of us were "taught".

Well, things are different in Corporate India. Yes, we are told what to do, and how to do it. Sometimes! But we are also expected to conceptualize, create, innovate, experiment, research, extrapolate, and observe from experts and implement our learning in our work environment. How do we make this transition?

We Need to Learn to Learn!

 

Forget: Corporate India is going to expect you to forget large parts of your education. You are going to have to unlearn what you have learnt to learn something new. You would have made many presentations with bells and whistles to draw and retain attention.  Well, we now want you to be more effective using staid corporate guidelines and styles. Forget what you have done in the past and relearn the tool, our way!

You are going to have to learn to forget how things were done, and done successfully, as business environments change at an alarming rate. Forgetting and starting from scratch, using first principles helps bring new solutions to newer problems.

Observe:  Think of how you learnt to drive.  The chances are that you learnt this by observing others' drive and the things that they cursed when driving.  Similarly, I was not taught how to make a dosa.  My mother told me that as a toddler, I would stand by her, and shrug my shoulders, moving them up and down, mimicking how the edges of dosa separate from the tawa, to tell her that the dosa was ready to be flipped over.  I learnt by watching my mother make countless dosas.

I learnt how to make presentations, use humor to diffuse a situation, to make an elevator speech, to be inclusive and many more things, by simply observing others.

Read:  Learn to learn by reading.  Read anything you want – fiction, fantasy, biography, crime; anything! Reading builds knowledge; it builds the ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes; it broadens your general knowledge.  Reading has held me in good stead, when I need to find a common topic to make a customer comfortable, helped me empathize with others by putting myself in their shoes as I do when I read a book and become the protagonist.

Read diverse topics. Reading just work related stuff will make you one-dimensional. Truly, you never know when something you read will be useful. Just read. Devour what you can. Your brain will bring it to the forefront when you need it.

Experiment:  How many of you have watched one of the countless cooking reality shows and while you learn to make new dishes, have at the same time thought of tweaks that you believe will make the dish better? If you have actually tried these tweaks – you have experimented. Whatever the outcome – a full stomach or the dustbin, you have learnt something.  Revel in it. You will be able to repeat an experiment gone well or avoid a failure.

In the workplace, you are constantly looking for where to experiment and then doing the experiment. You will fail, and you will pay for that failure.  But you will also learn from the failure, and you will also succeed beyond your wildest dreams. There is no limit to experimentation.

Be Consistent: The best way to learn to learn, is to consistently learn something new. Learn a language, learn to dance, or to play an instrument, or to cook, or program your TV or to write. I have just learned to write a blog. Each time I learn something new I am building the muscles of my brain to do something new; I am shoring up experiences that I will be able to bank on at a later date.

“Doesn’t this take a lot of time?” you think. "I simply don't have the time!"

Not really. I do a lot of this learning subconsciously.  Just imagine how much better I would be if I consciously looked for learning opportunities, and just jumped into them without over-thinking! 

I learned very early in my career to update my resume every 6 months, not to look for another job, but to determine if I was learning new skills. I do that even today, 29 years later. I know when I am stagnating and when I am growing.

Unlearn, Learn, Re-Learn – Spend the Time

It’s worth much more than the minutes spent

What I wish I had known :: Lesson 1 :: Balance Sheets Are Not Made Everyday

I have been asked by student bodies, many times, to share what it is really like to work in Corporate India.  I have made the standard presentations on work culture, discipline, career management, etc. many times too.

Last year, I decided to do something different.  I decided to share with them, what I wish I had known about working when I joined the workforce in the mid-80s. These lessons, if I can call them that, may have helped me feel happier, make fewer mistakes, learn faster, or just revel more in the here and now. 

Lesson 1 : Balance Sheets Are Not Made Everyday

I believe, if I ask myself every day, whether what I have done or achieved was worth the effort and time spent, then I am sure to be disappointed. Working life, or for that matter, life, is not a balance sheet where all the numbers match up neatly at the end. There are days that I feel are a total waste of time, where I deliver nothing and do nothing useful.  There are also days when what I do is so absorbing and interesting, that I don't have time to eat or when my bladder is the only thing that tells me that it is time for a break.

 

Also, believe it or not, there is no such thing as Work-Life Balance. I say this for 2 reasons. 

 

Reason 1: I disagree with the semantics. "Work-Life Balance" implies that work is not life and life is not work. Work is life, life is work. What I want is to balance my personal and professional lives.  Lucky are those whose personal and professional lives are the same, but for most of us these are 2 distinct areas, with some overlap. The bigger the overlap the better it is.

 

Reason 2: At any given point of time everything cannot (and dare I say, should not) be balanced. Sometimes my personal life will need to take center stage - all my mind share, time, effort, focus, money; and sometimes my professional life will take center stage. That's just the way it is.

 

I have worked 18-hour days for many, many months, without weekends off, 'coz that is what was needed by the organization.  I did it without resentment.  I just put other things on hold.  I have also taken many weeks / months off to recover from illness, take a sabbatical because that is what I needed for me.

 

I have learnt to look at the bigger picture, view what I have achieved or missed from 30,000 feet.  The questions I have asked are:

• Over a period of time have I done what I  wanted to do?
• Have I learned and grown?
• Am I better as a professional and person today than I was 6 months ago?
• Have I met my personal goals?
• Have I created new goals for myself?
• Have I truly impacted the lives of friends, family, customers, partners, colleagues, and of course, myself? 

 

If the answer is "Yes" to even some of these questions, then I know I am on the right path.

  

Daily Stock Taking is Just a Waste of Time and Energy

Mobile Phone Etiquette - My Rules; Finally Written!

Source: http://blog.vodafone.co.uk

This is from a note I wrote on Facebook way back in 2009.  It seems to hold as good today as it did then. I have modified the rules as I see them, and have incorporated many friends' comments and suggestions.

So here are Sangeeta's Rules for Mobile Phone Users.  :-)

Avoid / Do Not 

1. Speak to people when you are in the toilet – they can hear every sound. Oh yes, they can! From the plop-plop of the big job to the sound of the little stream hitting the pond to the storm escaping from your intestinal constriction!
2. Use mobile phones when at a ceremony, religious or otherwise. It is an insult to the people there – not to mention God – if you believe in a God.
3. Speak or text when you are at a social / professional gathering such as a date, meeting, restaurant, etc. Your time on the phone tells people that they are not as important as the SMS that you got (which is probably a joke you've received and read before) or the call from someone whom you say you will call right back!!
4. Talk loudly when you cannot hear someone who has called you. If you cannot hear them, move to a quieter place or find a phone with better sound quality. The general public does not have to live thru your latest romance or adventure or anger or any of the other emotions you have. If you need to share – go visit a friend or psychiatrist.
5. Use caller tunes. How inappropriate is it for your friend to hear “Don’t Worry, Be happy” when they call to tell you that their pet died, or they just got laid off!!  
6. Use a cell phone when you are driving – you need both hands to turn the wheel, shift gears, make hand signals. Even if you have a hands free extension – do you really believe you can concentrate on traffic and pedestrians while you are negotiating a contract?
7. Take pictures / videos with your phone, just because it has the feature.  There is a reasonable expectation of privacy we all have - respect it! Ask permission.
8. Answer with a "who's this" or "Tell me". Your parents named you with high hopes, use your name with pride, state it whenever you get a call. 
9. Assume that you are the Prime Minister of the country and that you can call anyone late at night or early in the morning.  Also, people you call / message do not have to respond to you, even if you are their boss, maybe they can't or don't want to! Wait.

   

   Source: http://blog.vodafone.co.uk

   Just because someone has a mobile phone does not mean that they have to answer your call or respond to your SMS. This is not breathing people!  Wait to hear from them.

Do's

1. Put your phone on silent or switch it of completely when you are in a hospital, theater, or at any performance. In a hospital, people are worried and harried – do they really need to hear your ring tone? At an artistic performance, you insult performers who have put their hearts, minds, spirit and hard work to entertain you for an hour or so, and unless you are the national security chief or an emergency room doctor – you really do not need to be in touch with the world all the time.
2. Keep your ringing tone low. The entire bus / train / room does not have to know that you have a call.
3. State your name when answering a call so that your caller knows they’ve reached the right person. If you are answering someone else’s phone, at their request, please state that fact clearly when you pick up the call.  
4. Call when you need to; not when you want to pass the monkey onto someone else’s back. If something can wait till you meet someone the next day, or after a few hours, pray why do you need to talk to them and fill the pockets of the telecom company?
5. Tell a caller that you are with people who can hear your part of a conversation if you are in a public place.  The caller may like to call you when you are alone. Not all people like to discuss things in public and/or when strangers are present 
6. Respond to all calls that were ignored or missed at the earliest. Someone does want to connect with you, unless of course it is a pesky insurance / credit card sales person.
7. Pick up calls / messages from significant people in your life. Remember its not your clients who live with you, and will be there for you thru' thick and thin. There is really no excuse not to call parents, siblings, children, spouse. It is a great way to share good news, do it often. 

Do I want a Smart Phone?






Source: http://www.techcentral.co.za/binu-expands-into-africa

I am what one may call a later bloomer when it comes to mobile phones.  Something that you wouldn't expect from a person who worked in the IT / ITES industry. 

For some reason, I avoided owning a mobile phone for many, many years. I just did not want the additional encumbrance of an expensive piece of equipment. By all counts, I am quite the talker, but the thought that with a  mobile phone I could talk to people when I wanted, wherever I was, did not seem appealing.  Not that I hadn't spent hours in my teens, jammed between the wall and the fridge, chatting with my friends on our land line. Talking on a mobile phone just was not "comfortable".  I wanted to be seated, in one place.  Something has to be grounded when conversations move with a will of their own thru topics from the serious to the mundane, from gossip to reality in a second.

I acquired a mobile phone sometime in the late 90s or early 2000. I bought a Nokia phone in Singapore. In those days it was cheaper to by electronic equipment outside the country.  So why did I finally acquire a mobile phone? Well, I used to drive from Okhla (office) to Sheikh Sarai (home) late in the night, on a road that was ill lit and lonely, and my team thought it was not safe.  They threatened to buy me a phone for my birthday, if I did not buy one for myself.  Like any good manager, I couldn't have my team buy me an expensive gift, so I went and bought my first mobile phone.

From then till now, I have changed phones probably a 4 - 5 times.  I am now quite the mobile phone talker, chatting with people when I feel like it.  But in the time it has taken me to do this, people are watching movies, surfing the internet, winning multi player games on their phones. None of which I do. Phones now seem magically strapped to people's wrists. With them all the time, in use all the time.





Source: Coca-Cola Social Media Guard Campaign

I am now looking to change my mobile phone, and when asked what I want from the new phone, I say "I want to be able to make and receive calls". This leaves 99.9% of the people waiting for more, their expectant faces the only response to the silence that follows.

I really, truly, want a phone that I can use to make calls, that has good sound reproduction.  Oh, also one on which I can heck email, synchronize my contacts, calendar and to-do lists. Nothing more.

Stating this leads to long conversations on why I now need a smart phone.  To surf the internet, to watch movies and TV serials, to video chat, do internet banking, shop, listen to music, all while on the move (I am already getting motion sick hearing this).

So basically, to avoid all forms of human contact.

Mobile phones are not the be all and end all of our existence.  There was life before mobile phones.  Real life! A life where things worked, people had meaningful relationships, news was "breaking", movies seen, love expressed, & sadness shared.  We have a life now. One, it seems, within the constraints of our mobile phones. We were free then. Sometimes now, it feels like we are less free.  The mobile phone has become an electronic dog collar / handcuff, making us "available" 24x7 in case the Queen calls!

Oh for the good old days! Where I was in control of when and whom I wanted to speak with.

I want to have a phone free day and discover the pleasure of reading for hours, cooking, chatting, walking, sleeping, and/or just staring into space.

Let the planning begin, smart phone or not!

On Children's Day 14th Nov 2014

Each year on and after November 14th, India's Children's Day, the news is all about Jawaharlal Nehru. But is that really the significance of the day, is it only the blind celebration of a man whom we are told loved children, and of whose actions towards the betterment of the children of our country is not known.  Yes, of course, he was instrumental in setting up AIIMS and IITs, and yes, he was the first Prime Minister of the country, and yes, he was called Chacha.  But is there more?  If there is more that he has done for children then why have we not heard about it.

This children's day, I am thinking of all the children who do not have a roof over their heads, or who do not get a hot meal, who are sick, or abused, or have runaway.  And I ask, what am doing for children's day?  Am I going to do the usual? Post pictures of cute children, watch mutely while news channels talk about Jawaharlal Nehru? Am I going to do something different? Can I do something different?

Yes!  I have to.

So this Children's Day, I am going to celebrate in 2 ways. 

First, I am going to learn to laugh more, for no reason at all, to celebrate the child in me. I am going to laugh at the things I can not change. I am going to dance like the wind when I feel like it.  This is for me, the child in me, the child that has been forced to slumber, the child who can fly to the moon on an eyelash, and roll on a cloud.

Second, I am going to do something for a child who is in need.  Educate a child, feed a child, protect a child, any child in need. While I do this at different times in the year, I am using this occasion to pull out my cheque book to give a year of schooling to some children. And I hope that this will enable some children to learn, laugh, grow, play, & eat for a whole 365 days till I recommit to them again.

Is this enough? I truly don't know.
But is it a start? I really hope so.

So to all of you I say, Jawaharlal Nehru's photo may have been programmed in your brain, but you can erase that image if Children's Day and create your own.  I just did, it was simple.

Happy Children's Day!

May the child in us live, laugh, and jump out of the box of constraints we create!!
May we all help a child learn and play and grow!!

 

The Feelings of a soon-to-be Relieved Manager

Over the last few days / weeks, I have been wondering why there is little to nothing written about what managers feel when they quit their jobs. Most research and articles on people quitting jobs list the top reasons for leaving from a person’s point of view as an individual, such as bad managers, lack of recognition, better work environment, challenging role, etc. 

But what about how people managers feel?

So, here I go once again, jumping into something that I don’t know much about, but just having to express myself, much like getting swept along by flood waters!

What do people managers feel when they quit?  What did I (and some of my colleagues and friends) feel when they quit?

1.    Guilt overwhelming Guilt! Whatever your race or religion or country you have worked in, the chances are that as a people manager, when you quit, you feel guilt. You are moving on, going to a new and exciting place that you believe to be, a better place.  A place where you will learn from more challenges, dream about more recognition, get paid better, have a boss who will forever behave as they have when wooing you at the interview stage, etc. But, there is still the feeling of guilt. You are after all leaving your team behind.  You have shared in the good and bad for many moons and now they cannot share in your happiness and anticipation of the good things to come. So how can you benefit when your team does not? That question, above all else, I believe, causes the feeling of guilt.

2.    And then there is the Fear.  The fear of the unknown, the fear of leaving / letting go of what is comfortable, known, & predictable (however bad it may be, it is still predictable). This fear starts sometimes as-early-as when you need to tell your boss that you are quitting, to as-late-as the day you join the new organization. For me, one of the most difficult things to do has been telling my team that I am leaving them; leaving them to go on to better things and leaving them to manage the boss / culture / work that I myself did not want to do much longer or even stand to do much longer. This is the fear of failure, fear that the team will / can fail without me and this failure will reflect on my capability as a manager, the fear that I may really not be needed by my team. 

3.    “Take me with you!” Any good people manager will face the sticky situation of being asked by a team member to “take me along”, find them a role in the new organization.  This question could also be “Should I continue to work here?”  While still working for an organization, albeit on notice, should you as a manager encourage people to leave with you or soon after you? Is it even OK to acknowledge such a request? How can you respond to these questions and not be torn between loyalties? Whatever you do, whatever you say, you will be disloyal to either the organization or your team member, leaving you conflicted.    

4.    Dealing with others’ Emotions: Along with your own emotions of loss and anticipation are the emotions of your team.  Their emotions will be reflected on their faces and in their behavior.  You could be the most objective (or heartless person) in the world, but your teams’ emotions are bound to affect you and in turn change the way you behave with them and the organization at large. Worse still is when you are not “allowed” to tell your team till the very last moment and you face not just their shock but also their ire, knowing that you have let them down by not being honest with them. This can be traumatic for all.

 But as I write this, and I reflect on teams I have left, I realize that whatever I felt, it is all now gone.  I learnt many lessons and am wiser (the subject of another post). My team mates, were then, and are now, my friends.  I am still in touch with them (well, most of them).  I still learn from them.  Some have grabbed the opportunity that my leaving gave and have grown into larger more challenging roles with alacrity.

As I get ready to leave another team I know that they will be OK, because they are OK now.

I am not indispensable

We are all dancing in the rain……

Dusherra and Diwali 2014

This auspicious festive season I am wishing that we all just give a little

A little more thought
A little more love
A little more generosity...
A little more peace
A little more consideration
A little more celebration
A little more learning
A little more dreaming

Just a little more from me
And a little more from you

Will make it a lot more for all of us!

Deliberations of a Delhi Driver

This is for all of us who think that Delhi Drivers are “strange” to put it politely, or just “f**k**g crazy” to put it realistically.  Delhi drivers are just like everyone else, and if we aren’t, we change non-Delhi-ites to our point of view. If you have lived and driven in this city long enough you would have seen this in action – the mass movemen...t towards freedom – freedom from red lights, lanes, silence, and consideration.

I take the liberty to write this from a male’s point of view, as, we all know that females can’t drive, and heaven forbid if she does, she drives like a man!

I drive without a care in the world.  Mind you, I care for myself; it’s others that I do not care for.

What else do you expect, when I learnt the joys of driving on my father’s lap, him secured by a seat belt and me secured by the glue of paternal affection, sitting on his lap? Many-a-times the movement of the road lulled me to sleep, and it still does when I am in a car.  So if you see me swerve, either it is because I am reliving my early childhood years or because of the woman driver somewhere in the city – ahead of me or two lanes away, or just thinking of taking the car out of the garage.  You can’t blame me, can you?

As I grew up, I learnt the virtue of multi-tasking as my father drove with a cigarette in one hand and a phone in the other. He juggled the clutch and steering wheel with such speed and accuracy that I believe that he could have been born to acrobat parents. Added to this was his ability to use all his senses while driving, reading an SMS while smoking, cursing an old lady crossing the road too slowly while shifting to a higher gear, stopping just as long as it took to spit a stream of paan while speeding to beat the next red light, and farting / belching to relieve any pressure that driving can cause in a city like Delhi.

When I became a “little man”, my father, oh so generously, gave me his car keys and sent me out for a drive.  I built immense spinal flexibility, stretching my muscles to reach the pedals while keeping my eyes above the center of the steering wheel.  The need for speed trumped safety, then, as it does now. As I drove, I received the respect of people jumping aside as I drove thru narrow neighborhood streets at speeds that are reserved for highways. Why do I need a brake, I ask, when pedestrians so generously move aside?

On my fourteenth birthday, I took the girl of my dreams out on our first date.  Our parents, and yes her parents knew too, blessed us as we left in dad’s new car – sleeker and faster than the one he had the year before, which itself was faster than the one before that. Nothing exciting came out of my first date other than us drawing the startled eyes of the grandmas’ of the neighborhood as I broke a few pots that had strayed on to the edge of
the road, and chipped the paving stones as I took a nice sharp turn. By chance, I looked at the rearview mirror as I roared out of the gates and caught an elderly gentleman saluting my driving with his cane raised over his head, waving it vigorously as a mark of respect.

By the time I reached college, I had mastered the art of driving with a cigarette in one hand and a phone in the other, like my dad.  Dad had only taught me the mundane way to drive; I pushed the envelope – or should I say my girlfriend did this by nipping my ear while I was concentrating on driving.  The sudden changing of lanes is not my fault, after all a pat on the thigh or a kiss does cause muscles to react. Other drivers on the road should know that spasms cause cars to swerve, and give me a wide berth.  Any dents and scratches they got as a result of this are definitely their fault
and not mine!

When I was in college I added liquid refreshments to my repertoire of senses that need to be used while driving.  Dispense with the glass I was told. Real men drink straight from the bottle. And don’t you know beer is for babies.  Men drink rum / vodka / scotch straight from the bottle and drive.  So much easier and hassle free. And when you are as high as a kite, the car takes on the form of an aerial craft, floating over dividers, pavements, bushes, pedestrians, cows, and anything they pretty much feel like going over. Roll over James Bond, I don’t need Q, I’ve got my dad’s car!

So at 8:30am as I weave thru’ crazy traffic to get to office after a night of partying, with a hangover that sounds like Diwali bombs in my head, blowing my horn to warn people to get out of my way, speaking with my buddy on the phone, smoking a cigarette to ease the tension, I ask myself, what’s wrong with the way I drive?

New Year 2014

Wishing 2014 is a year in which we are all open to new ideas, new thoughts & new experiences.

And may this openness create memories each day that we will cherish in the years to come!