Lately, I’ve been noticing a pattern—one that repeats across teams, communities, and even leadership circles. When kindness is extended or compassion is offered, it’s often women who lead the way.
This isn’t to say men aren’t capable of deep empathy or care. Yet, in the spaces I inhabit – friends, neighbourhoods, corporate groups … it is women who consistently show up to soothe tensions, provide succour and relief, with immense generosity and grace. This ranges from running schools for underprivileged children, or raising awareness and compassion for dogs, or collection camps (from blood donation to clothing to food to waste management). Even our neighbourhood has groups dedicated to selfless giving, consisting >90% women.
I wonder why? Is it social conditioning? Is it invisible expectation?
I do not believe that men are not compassionate. I am privileged to know many kind, selfless, giving men. Yet they are not a part of the compassionate initiatives I am involved with or support.
Could this be because we are not creating an environment in these groups where men feel comfortable? Are we women consciously or unconsciously excluding them?
I’m sitting with these questions—not to assign blame or praise, but to surface a truth that I think deserves attention. Because when compassion becomes gendered, we risk undermining and overlooking its strategic power. And when kindness is expected but not valued, we risk burnout in those who offer it most.
What do you think?
