Smart Answers to Stupid Questions Single Women are Asked - Part 2

I am surprised that there are so many people who have read, reacted and shared my last post on Smart Answers to Stupid Questions Single Women are Asked - Part 1. I have also got a number of questions from readers with a request for smart alec answers that they can use. Here they are: 

Q7: How do you manage your finances / career / home improvement needs (plumbing / changing fuses / painting & polishing) when you are single? 

• I use my brain and hands. What do you use that's different?
• I manage my finances / career / home improvement well, other than on full moon nights when I become a werewolf. Choose any time and mythical creature like "weekends" & "mermaid" or "dusk" & "unicorn". It will give you an opportunity stretch your imagination & keep the brain ticking while dealing with stupid questions.
• Happy to hand it over. Would you like to manage it? 
• My butler manages this for me; I don't need to use my womanly "wiles"
• I've managed my career really well given that I am currently talking with you. Based on the level of the person, you may want to say this innocently or sarcastically.

Q8: If you marry a rich man, will you leave us? The assumption is that if a woman is over 25 and not married, she is holding out for something, and that something has got to be a man. A rich man. 

• No. I am more interested in a man's body than his money.
• What gives you the idea that I am not rich in my own right? Don't say anything more. Let them assume what they want. Beware of people using this answer to avoid paying you equitably, as the assumption is that women who are single & independently wealthy don't need to be paid on par with men as they have "fewer commitments / needs".
• I could be a rich man's common law wife. Do you still want to ask me that question?
• Should a man stop working if he marries a rich woman? Would you?

Q9: Your parents must be unhappy (and hence suffering), because you are not married. Again, this is a statement (judgemental, much?) What they are really asking is, how do your parents deal with the "disappointment" of having a single daughter? How can you be so cruel? How do you manage thier disappointment?

• They are happy to be actively engaged in getting to meet and spend time with my "current flavour of the month"  boyfriend / girlfriend
• They are skipping over rainbows! They brought me up to be independent and truly respect my choices.  
• My parents happiness lies in collecting worms / selling fingernail clippings / connecting with aliens / writing recipes that use cockroach parts ..... Not me
• Actually, they are ecstatic. They can peacefully live in my flat/house 
• They don't want to trouble my brother / long time retainer / local politician / actor. Feel  free to mention the politician's or actor's name with some familiarity. Create a pet names for more fun.  

Q10: How is it that you and your sister are both single? I find this question hard to understand, but hopefully not hard to find apt rejoinders to.

• Oh! Don't you know? It is a rare genome altering virus (make up a disease name; the bigger the tongue twister the better) that causes women to want to be single
• No one can come close to my grandmother's adopted brother / grandaunt's lover's nephew / great-granduncle's family retainer's daughter who was an OBE / Valour Award winner. I am not going to settle for anything less. Choose some complicated relationship and make-up an award that sounds prestigious.
• We are very close to each other. We couldn't find identical twins to marry. Do you know any that we can meet?
• Actually we are separated Siamese twins and can't survive without each other 

Q11: Why can't you travel / work late or on holidays whenever I tell you to? You don't have any responsibilities. The assumption is that a person has "responsibilities" only when they are married, have in-laws and children. Anything else is not considered important enough to be "responsibilities".

• Because I have a life! A full life without husband and children. One that you are probably jealous of!
• What do you mean by "responsibilities"? Millstones tied to my feet?
• You are mistaken. I do have responsibilities. The biggest is to my needlepoint academy / Saturday mystery book writing club / Sunday games invention day /  commitment to provide my blood for fertilizer research / my potted plants and extensive marijuana hedge
• I have a standing engagement to play bridge with Duggu, Raju and Sasha. Choose pet names of famous people to keep them guessing. Btw - Duggu, Raju and Sasha are the petnames of Hritik Roshan, Akshay Kumar and Shahid Kapoor - well known Bollywood actors.
• I take my responsibility to Ms Alter-Ego very seriously. Happy to share activities and deadlines, if you promise not to get embarrassed / shocked. Do think up of some outlandish activities as clueless questioners will assure you that they will not be embarrassed / shocked by anything you say. Maybe you can tell them that you call your alter-ego in a seance to get spiritual guidance. 

Q12: Why are you staying in a 2 / 3 /4 bedroom apartment when you are single? Why don't you just share an apartment with someone?

• There is a Tesla in space and you want to tell me where and how to live?
• Not sure I can keep my hands off someone I am sharing an apartment with
• I like to roller skate in my house 
• I like to sleep in a room where I have not just had sex
• My pet tarantula uses the second bedroom. If you have more rooms, choose some more animals to join you in your personal menagerie. Some suggestions are - Burmese python, hissing cockroach, kinkajou, skunk, bearded dragon.